And I Always Will
by Eternal Soldier
Summary: Not long after Prentiss joins the team a drunk JJ admits she is in love with Reid. Even if she actually means it or actually remembers it, how can they be a couple when they work together, and a tragedy occurs that threatens to tear them apart for good?
1. Drunken Confessions

**A/N: Wow, my first Criminal Minds Fanfic ever. I don't know why it took me so long, cos I am in love with this show, but here it finally is. Reid has been my absolute favourite character since day one, and I always thought he should've ended up with JJ, so here's my version :) Oh and btw, this is set (well, the start anyway) during season 2, somewhere between Prentiss's arrival and the events of The Big Game/Revelations. This story will draw on events that occur in actual Criminal Minds episodes (which means yes, Will will appear at some point) but quite a bit of it will be purely from the twisted mess that is my mind.  
****Please read and review, so I can make this story even better.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds. Trust me- if I did, AJ Cook would still be on the show and this fanfic would actually happen.**

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"JJ," he whispered from the doorway to her office.

Jennifer Jareau, or JJ as she had just been called, would know that voice anywhere. It belonged to the young, awkward genius that she and the rest of the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit knew so well: Supervisory Special Agent Doctor Spencer Reid.

"Spence!" said JJ, looking up at him and smiling. Reid stood in the doorway, his hands in his pockets. God, that boy needed to put on some weight. He was just so _skinny_. He needed to eat more- or maybe even work out, put on some muscle. JJ chuckled at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Reid asked, a little nervously.

"Oh, nothing," JJ said, still smiling- although, she was smiling almost every time she saw Reid. Even though they'd only worked together for a few years, the two had grown incredibly close. When Elle had been shot and ended up leaving the team, Reid had been JJ's shoulder to cry on. She hated imposing on him like that, but he was more than happy to oblige. She often wondered why that was.

"You, uh, wanted me to tell you when I was leaving for the day," Reid stammered, still standing in the doorway.

"Oh, yeah, right!" said JJ, pulling herself out of her thoughts. "After that last case we did, all those women… well, the fact that they looked kinda like me meant that I don't really wanna be alone tonight."

"JJ, you would've been fine," said Reid hurriedly. "He was going younger than you. You weren't young enough for him."

"Gee thanks, Reid," JJ scoffed. "That really makes a girl feel better."

"I-I- sorry, JJ. I really didn't mean-" Reid began.

"It's okay, Spence, I was only joking," JJ replied, shaking her head in bemusement at the flustered agent. JJ had no idea how Reid could be so calm, sure of himself, and know exactly what to do when dealing with killers and psychopaths, and all over the place when dealing with regular people- especially women. Maybe that was why he spouted random facts all the time- to keep calm. "I was actually wondering if you wanted to come get a drink with me."

"I don't know…"

JJ had expected this. Reid always tried to chicken out of social outings, especially ones that involved alcohol. He always needed a little push. "I'm not taking no for an answer. A little bit of relaxation and fun can actually be good for you, _Doctor_ Reid."

"I have fun," Reid protested weakly as JJ grabbed her coat and propelled him out the door in front of her. JJ raised an eyebrow. "What?" said Reid. "Reading and facts _are_ fun for me."

JJ sighed. Was there nothing normal about this kid? What a stupid question: of course there was nothing normal about Spencer Reid. It was why he was so special to the entire team.

Derek Morgan, another member of the BAU, looked up as JJ coaxed Reid across the room. "You kidnapping him, JJ?" he asked, grinning.

"Of course," JJ smirked wickedly, standing right beside Reid as he gathered his belongings. He dropped his notebooks a number of times before finally managing to put them into his bag, but that was because of his extreme clumsiness. "I'm taking him out for a drink. You know how much work goes into convincing Reid to drink."

"That's because I hate the fact that I could say or do something really, really inappropriate, or stupid. And while a blood alcohol level of between 0.03 and 0.12% can induce euphoria, any level of alcohol can lower your mental ability and-"

"Kid, even if you were drunk, you would still be the smartest person in the entire room," Morgan laughed. "Besides, do you really think JJ would let you drink _that _much alcohol?"

"She would if she got drunk herself," Reid pointed out.

Penelope Garcia, the team's technical analyst, laughed from her position behind Morgan's chair. "Go and have some normal fun, boy-wonder," she said. "When a beautiful woman such as our Agent Jareau asks you out for a drink, you say yes without a second thought. Passing up a date with a woman like that- well, that's just plain dumb."

"It isn't a date," said Reid hurriedly, as he threw his bag over his shoulder.

"You keep telling yourself that," Morgan said. "No seriously, you remember what happened the last time you went on a 'date' with JJ."

While Reid didn't blush (no one on the team remembered ever seeing him blush, ever) he definitely became more flustered at the mention of his and JJ's trip to the Redskins game. He'd been so nervous, he'd spouted off so many useless facts about football that he knew JJ had had a horrible time.

"Just a casual drink between friends, Spence," said JJ gently, putting a hand on Reid's shoulder. What do you say?"

Reid looked up at JJ and smiled. "Okay," he replied.

JJ smirked at Morgan. "And it's that easy," she said as she led Reid out of the office.

When the pair had left, Garcia sat down at Reid's now vacated desk. The team's newest member, Emily Prentiss, came over from her desk to join them. "Okay, Reid is now officially the strangest person I have ever met," she announced.

"He wasn't before?" said Morgan.

"I have met some pretty strange people," Prentiss admitted. "But Doctor Spencer Reid is on top of that list. In capital letters. And in bold."

"You think JJ's ever gonna realise he's in love with her?" Morgan asked.

"Sweetie, I don't think he even knows," said Garcia.

"Guys, stop making fun of Reid and either do some work or go home," the BAU's unit chief, Aaron Hotchner, said as he walked through the bullpen towards his office.

"Come on, my doves," Garcia sighed, as the three of them got up and headed for the elevator.

Reid sat at the corner table in the bar, watching JJ become more and more animated with each sip of her beer. He knew he should've cut her off a while ago, but he was enjoying himself too much. He could sit there and watch her talk all night. And he may not have had as much alcohol as JJ, but something had come over Reid. He didn't want to stop JJ drinking, because he didn't want her to stop talking to him.

JJ smiled; a loose, beautiful smile that stopped Reid's heart. "You know, you're not half bad when you've got a few drinks in you," she said. "People could actually mistake you for a normal guy."

Reid laughed. "Now I know you've had too much," he said, gently prising the glass from JJ's grip. She didn't even seem to notice. "You're not thinking straight."

"And you're not that bad looking, too," JJ added.

"Okay, you've _definitely _had too much," said Reid. "You're not seeing straight, either."

"Actually, I think I'm seeing straight for the first time in my life." JJ looked Reid directly in the eye, and he was a little shocked by the look on her face- like she was trying to exactly memorise his looks. "You are insanely good-looking, you know that Spence?" JJ whispered.

Reid was shocked. Nobody, least of all JJ, had ever said _anything_ like that to him. "I, well, I-" he stammered, trying to put together a coherent sentence. "Y-you're just saying that because you're drunk," he finally managed to get out.

"That may be," JJ agreed, "but that doesn't mean I don't mean it. I've thought so since the day I saw you." Reid was shocked, but it was what JJ said next that would completely through him.

"I love you, Spencer Reid. And not as a friend; not like a brother. I love you."

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**A/N: Wow, JJ and Reid's 'date' was actually harder for me to write than I thought; I knew what I wanted to say, but the words just wouldn't come out easy enough. Guess I don't write romance often enough. Anyway, more should be up soon. Please, please, please review, I wanna know how I can improve! :)**


	2. A Genius's Heartache

**A/N: I actually had a day off today, so I decide to write/post chapter 2 as well! Chapter 3 might be up as well, depends on my mood. It may include them going out on a case that I made up, or may jump straight to The Big Game/Revelations, I haven't decided yet. If you guys have any ideas about which you'd prefer, let me know!  
Oh, and I am aware that this chapter is quite shorter than the first one, but I had nothing else to say here because nothing else would fit. It's mainly just Reid trying to process what JJ said.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Criminal Minds or any of it's characters. But on with the story! **

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For once in his life, Spencer Reid was speechless. He _must've_ been drunk too; how else could he have heard JJ say what she had just said? He looking over at his one empty cup, assuring himself that there was no way that he was so heavily intoxicated that he was hallucinating. But JJ was. She couldn't mean what she had just said.

"I- I think I'm gonna take you home, JJ," Reid finally said, lifting JJ to her feet.

"That's all you're gonna say, Spencer?" said JJ. Reid was shocked at the genuine hurt in her voice. "I just confessed my love for you, and all you can say is you'll _take me home_?"

"I just think it will be better for us to talk in private," Reid replied quickly.

"Oh. Okay." JJ appeared mollified, and allowed Reid to lead her towards his car.

As Reid drove, he realised that JJ was looking at him from the front passenger seat, and had been for the whole drive. It was the way that she looked at him that disconcerted him, however. JJ was looking at Reid like- like she was seeing the sun for the first time, like he was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. No woman had ever looked at Reid like that. _Ever_. Not even Lila had, and he had been her hero.

When Reid pulled up at JJ's house, he reached down to get her keys out of her bag. JJ, however, reached down and grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers through his. Her touch made him shiver, and he looked into her deep blue eyes. She smiled at him.

"Let's go inside," was all Reid could say. JJ wrapped her arm around Reid tightly as her led her to the front door. Despite the fact that JJ was seriously drunk and completely uninhibited, Reid didn't want her to let go. He never, ever wanted her to let go.

Reid led JJ to her bed, which she collapsed on fully clothed. She patted the bed enthusiastically, smiling up at Reid. "Come lie with me," she purred.

"You need to rest, JJ," Reid countered.

"I thought we were going to talk," JJ said, pouting.

"We will in the morning, if you go to sleep now," Reid lied.

"Okay," said JJ, snuggling into her doona. She looked up to Reid with heavily lidded eyes. "I love you, Spencer Reid," she said before she closed her eyes and drifted off into sleep.

Reid sighed heavily. He knew full well that JJ would not remember anything she had said in the morning. But oh, how he wished she would. And how he wished she'd actually meant it.

"I love you too, Jennifer Jareau," Reid whispered sadly.

Reid barely slept that night, and when he did all of his dreams featured one blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman- JJ. His gut clenched, and he knew he wouldn't be sleeping any longer. Reid's eyes flickered open, and he stared at the clock sitting on his bedside table: 4:27. Too early to start getting ready for work, but too late to go back to bed even if he was able to sleep.

Reid sighed and clambered out of bed, slowly stretching his long, lanky limbs. He'd left JJ's after he was sure that she was sound asleep, and wouldn't be waking up to be sick any time soon. He doubted she'd ever remember he was there, just like she would never remember anything she'd said that night.

Reid headed into the tiny living room, bare of anything but the essentials and a wall of bookshelves. He pulled a huge physics journal out of the shelf and began reading; his eyes flying down the page and onto the next one as he read at his alarmingly fast pace. All of his reports for work were at the BAU, and he wasn't much of a music or TV person- except for classical music, but he didn't really think that would help him right now. Reading was all that he had to distract him from thoughts of JJ, thoughts he shouldn't be having. Sure, once upon a time Reid had had a crush on JJ, but that's all it had been. A _crush_. And after their failed Redskins 'date', which Reid knew JJ hadn't enjoyed, he'd completely forgotten any feeling he'd once had for his fellow FBI agent. Or had he?

He glanced at the clock again: 5:51. He'd been so lost in his confused thoughts (which had happened plenty of times before, except maybe without the confusion part), he hadn't realised nearly an hour and a half had passed. At least now he could get ready for work, so he could focus on criminals and victims, instead of his misdirected, love struck feelings.

Spencer Reid wished last night had never happened. While JJ had confessed her undying love for him, she had been completely wasted. Because of this, Reid knew two things were absolutely certain: one, JJ would remember nothing that she had said when she woke up in the morning. And two, JJ hadn't meant what she said. The beautiful, talented, intelligent Agent Jennifer Jareau could never have fallen for the clumsy, socially awkward genius that was Doctor Spencer Reid. Even if he had fallen for her.

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**A/N: Aw, poor Reid! *sniffle* While you may think it's a bit fast, I had to have him realise that he was in love with JJ here. He's always had a crush on her, and him not realising he loved her would be kinda cold. Plus, I think it works better this way.  
And just like last time, please, please review! I need to know whether at least one person would prefer an original case or The Big Game/Revelations before I continue with the story! **


	3. You Know I Didn't Mean It

**A/N: Okay, here's chapter 3 guys! I was going to use the actual cases that happened in Criminal Minds, but I had a suggestion from a friend of mine who is also a Criminal Minds fan and a really good writer that I just use key plot points, and make up my own cases. So here goes!  
Oh, and this chapter is told from both JJ and Reid's POV, the day after JJ got drunk.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of it's characters.**

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When JJ woke up the next morning, she felt like jackhammers were going off in her head. She'd only gone out for a drink with Reid… what on earth had happened?

JJ pressed her fingers to her temple as her headache throbbed painfully. Spencer would normally have cut her off if he had seen her getting too drunk. And unless Spencer had gotten drunk himself (which he had sworn to never do, and nobody doubted his promise) he would've stopped her from drinking, stopped her from having an almighty hangover while she was at work. Something must have happened. Spencer, or JJ herself, or both of them, must've done or said something to make Reid unable to cut her off- or not _want_ to cut her off.

JJ glanced at her clock and cursed loudly. She should've left for work _10 minutes ago_! She began running around the room, gathering the first items of clothing she could find that would be appropriate for her to wear to her job as the team's media liaison, when she noticed the piece of paper lying neatly on her bedside table, on top of her FBI-issued gun and badge. JJ instantly recognised the neat, old-fashioned handwriting as Spencer's, so she opened the note and began reading.

_I'm so sorry JJ,_ the note began,

_It's my fault you're so hung-over, I should've cut you off. I stayed until I was sure you weren't going to be sick or wake up, and then I went back to my apartment. I turned your alarm off, because I knew you would want and need to sleep. And don't worry; I talked to Hotch as well, told him you were going to be in late today. Didn't tell him exactly why, though, I just told him you'd been kind of sick last night when you were with me and I wanted you to be absolutely fine. He's going to want to talk to you as soon as you get in; I think we have a briefing and you don't need to bring your go bag, we have a case but I think it might be local. Sorry again!_

_Spencer_.

As soon as JJ finished reading the note she relaxed a little, knowing that Spencer had bought her some leeway so she could be late for work unnoticed. Spencer could be so sweet sometimes, despite how clueless he was; it was one of the things that made them so close.

Something troubled JJ though, and she read through the note again. Not once did Spencer mention why he hadn't cut her off. And if he had been so level-headed that he had been able to bring JJ home, write the note, get back to his own apartment and call Hotch to excuse JJ's lateness, he could not have been drunk. Making a mental note to ask Spence about that when she saw him before the briefing, JJ began getting ready for work at a much slower pace than before.

JJ's head was still throbbing painfully when she arrived at the Bureau, but she had popped some Tylenol before she'd left and it wasn't as bad as it had been. JJ paused in the entrance to the bullpen, still unnoticed by anyone she knew, as she surveyed the room. Hotch, while his door was wide open (probably waiting for JJ, like Spencer's note said he would be), was busy working in his office. The other senior member of the team, Gideon, Garcia was nowhere to be seen; she was obviously in her own little room, surrounded by technology. Prentiss and Morgan were both sitting at their desks in the bullpen, working and talking to each other at the same time. The member of her team that JJ was looking for, however, Spencer, was over in the tearoom, pouring liberal amounts of sugar into his coffee. JJ chuckled under her breath and walked over to him.

"You know, too much sugar can be bad for you- especially mixed with the number of coffees you drink," JJ remarked.

Spencer turned around hurriedly, spilling part of his coffee down his shirt. "JJ!" he exclaimed, trying quite clumsily and unsuccessfully to wipe the coffee off with a napkin. JJ shook her head and took the napkin from Spencer. She felt a shiver go through the young doctor's body at her touch, and wondered vaguely why that was. Maybe it was just because he wasn't used to that kind of physical contact.

"JJ," Spencer repeated, quieter and much calmer this time, although there was still the sound of something in his voice that JJ couldn't quite place- most likely because she'd never heard it there before. "How are you feeling?"

JJ winced- Spencer's comment had reminded her of her throbbing head. "Like a truck and a steamroller collided with either side of my head at the same time." Noticing the concerned, guilty look on Spencer's face, she quickly added, "But I'm okay, Spencer. Really."

"I'm sorry I let you get you drunk, JJ," said Spencer. "I should've cut you off so much sooner."

"Yeah, why didn't you?" JJ asked. "You aren't the type of person to let me do this for no reason. Did I do something for you to let me keep drinking?"

"No, JJ," Spencer replied. "You didn't _do_ anything."

"Did I say something?" JJ asked. Spencer began to reply, but stopped. "So I _did_ say something," JJ realised, her heart dropping.

"I- er, well yes," Spencer was so nervous, much more than usual. What on earth was going on?

"Spencer, what did I say?" said JJ. Spencer remained silent, twitching his fingers like he did when he was thinking, or sometimes when he was nervous- or both. "Spence, if I said something to hurt you, I'm sorry. I was drunk. You know I didn't mean it."

Spencer's demeanour changed with JJ's words- he was still quite nervous, but now he seemed almost… sad. "It was nothing bad, JJ, trust me," he said, his voice no longer shaking. "I was feeling pretty lousy, I guess. Just fishing for compliments. You said I was good-looking."

JJ had to smile at that one. "You don't look that bad, Spence," she laughed. "Are you sure that was it?"

Spencer almost seemed to hesitate before nodding. "Yes. That was it."

Relief filled JJ's mind and body. She thought she had said something to seriously hurt Spencer, and he had wanted to punish her by getting her drunk. Which was a stupid thought really, because Spencer would never be that vindictive. With one last smile at her friend and a cup of water now in hand, JJ headed off to talk with Hotch.

As JJ walked away towards Hotch's office, Reid turned back around and busied himself at the coffee machine again, just so he could have something to do with his hands and nobody could see the look of utter disappointment and sadness on his face. He had known without a doubt that JJ would not remember anything she had said while she'd been drunk, but a tiny yet strong part of him had still held out hope that she had meant what she'd said. JJ words had completely crushed that hope; she had not meant a word she said.

"How you doing there, kiddo?" said Morgan, coming up behind Reid.

Reid jumped again, but this time managed to not spill his coffee. The tiny distraction gave Reid time to compose his expression and himself, and he turned around to face his co-worker. Morgan stood there with a huge grin on his face. "So how did last night go?" Morgan asked.

"It was just a normal drink between friends, Morgan," Reid said as he reached for the sugar again.

"Come on, pretty boy," Morgan laughed. "What really happened?"

Reid hesitated for a moment. He knew he could not, _would not_, tell Morgan what JJ had said. Morgan would just laugh, make fun of him, and be absolutely no help at all. Even worse- he'd tell JJ. "Well, JJ did get drunk, but that's it."

Morgan's smile grew wider. "JJ got drunk? You _let_ JJ get drunk?"

"Ssh!" said Reid hurriedly, looking around to make sure nobody had heard Morgan's outburst. "Hotch just knew JJ was going to be late this morning. He doesn't know that she has an almighty hangover. So don't mention it, okay?"

Morgan chuckled again. "Okay, kiddo. Whatever you say." Both Reid and Morgan looked up as Hotch and JJ left Hotch's office. JJ headed towards the BAU room with files in her hands, and Hotch headed down into the bullpen towards Prentiss's desk. "Looks like we have a case," he said, walking across to where Hotch and Prentiss were talking.

Reid breathed a sigh of relief as Morgan walked away. He'd managed not to slip up and tell Morgan what JJ had said, and Morgan hadn't noticed the way Reid's eyes had followed JJ as she'd walked across the bullpen and into the meeting room. God, she was so beautiful…

Reid shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. He couldn't think that way about JJ, he just wasn't allowed. She was his co-worker, his _friend_. Even if JJ did love Reid back (because he was sure now, that he did love her), they couldn't be together. The FBI's rules were strict: fellow employees could not date.

Reid sighed heavily before walking off to the meeting room with his coffee. It seemed that he was doomed to keep his feelings a secret.

"We've got a bad one," JJ began as the last team member- Garcia, entered the BAU room and closed the door behind her.

"Where?" Prentiss asked as he looked down at his file.

"Here, in D.C.," JJ replied, pressing a button on the remote in her hand. The image of a young, blonde woman filled the screen. "Monica Rymer, 24, was the first victim, found just over a week ago, but had been dead for over a month and a half." She pressed the button again, and a middle-aged woman with short brown hair appeared. "Caroline Myers, 53, found buried not far from Monica, killed a month later and found five days ago." JJ pressed the button a third time, and the image of Caroline was replaced by the image of a woman with thick, curly black hair. "And Denise Richards, 33, found yesterday. She had been dead for only a week."

"These victims may all be women, but they all look completely different. And they're all different ages," Morgan mused. "What makes us the D.C. police think they're connected?"

"The fact that they were all found within metres of each other, in the same park," JJ replied. "And when they were found, they all looked like…" JJ swallowed. "This."

JJ pressed the button on her remote again, and an image of Monica Rymer's dead body appeared. The team, despite everything they had seen, were shocked. "They had all been tortured. Badly," Hotch finished for JJ.

"All in the same way," Reid continued, reading over the case file. "All with burn marks, ligature marks, severe bruising, and deep lacerations caused by a carving knife."

"All the marks were in the exact same place on each woman's body," said Hotch. "And there's more."

"In each of the victims tox screens, their system was filled with Dilaudid," said JJ.

"Why, though?" Reid mused.

"That's what we need to find out," said Hotch. "Garcia, I want you to see if you can find _any_ connection between the three women. We need to know if these victims were random, or if the UnSub specifically targeted them." Garcia nodded and left the room, visibly repulsed by the image of Monica Rymer's body. "Prentiss and Morgan, I want you two to go to the crime scene, see what you can find there. JJ and Reid, you two are coming with me to the precinct. Reid, you can get started on victimology. Work with Garcia; see if you can find anything to tie the victims together."

Hotch stood up, gathering his files. "This UnSub's timeline is escalating. He's spending less and less time with each victim. We need to stop him before he gets out of control."

As the team filed out of the room, JJ tried to catch Reid's attention. He had been ignoring her throughout the entire briefing. He had only looked at the case file, the board, even their other team members. Not once had he even glanced at her.

Reid made to walk past JJ out of the room, the last one to do so. "Reid!" said JJ, catching his arm and pulling him aside. "Reid, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Reid replied, but still not looking at JJ. "We've really gotta go." This time JJ was unable to stop Reid from walking past her and out of the room after Hotch.

Now JJ was worried. Reid had never acted like this around her. While he was always nervous, he had never completely avoided JJ like this. Despite what Reid had said earlier, JJ knew that she had said something to him while she was drunk. And now she was determined to find out what it was.

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**A/N: I think most of you Criminal Minds fans will see where this is going with the little hint I dropped in there! And now JJ wants to find out what she _really_ said to Reid... this is gonna get interesting! Like all Criminal Minds cases, there is more to this one than first meets the eye!**

**Oh, and in case you guys were wondering why I put Gideon as going away on holidays, it's because I don't know that much about his character to write about him, and I felt his relationship with Reid could interfere with my ideas for Reid/JJ. I just felt he wouldn't fit. As always, please review!**


	4. Connecting the Dots

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter guys, I've been super busy with work lately. This chapter focuses more on the case, so there isn't much JJ/Reid development. But don't worry, from the next chapter, that starts to get _very_ interesting! Anyways, time to R/R!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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Reid stood staring at the victim board in the DC police precinct, still trying to find a connection between the victims. He'd been standing in front of the board for the better part of an hour, taking everything in and whispering the facts of the case under his breath. The first victim, Monica Rymer, had been a student living in a share house. Caroline Myers was a legal secretary, whose only child had just left home and lived with her husband. And Denise Richards had been a stay-at-home mum with three boys. Monica had not had a lot of money because she was in college, whereas both Caroline and Denise had been middle-class. Monica had been taken from a Laundromat, Caroline while buying a coffee, and Denise while walking the family dog. It just didn't make sense.

"I brought you some coffee," said JJ, coming up behind Reid.

Reid jumped and turned around. "Sorry," he said. "I guess I was lost in thought."

JJ laughed. "You usually are." She handed Reid his coffee cup. "Full of sugar, just the way you like it."

"Thanks," Reid took the coffee from JJ and turned back to the victim board.

"You found anything yet?" JJ asked as she moved to stand beside Reid, holding her own cup of coffee.

"I don't know…" Reid whispered, taking a sip of coffee as he stared at the photos of the snatch sites.

"What is it?" said JJ.

"Well it's small…"

"Anything will help, Spence," JJ assured him.

"Well, when Monica Rymer was taken from the Laundromat, it was half an hour after class, on a Friday. She always went to the Laundromat then. Caroline Myers was buying a coffee, which she always bought at the same time and place on her way to work. And Denise Richards had been walking the dog, which she always did after she dropped her kids off at school," Reid explained.

"So the victims were all taken during their routine," JJ said.

Reid nodded. "Which means the UnSub may have been stalking his victims prior to kidnapping them," he said.

"Does that mean that he chose his victims specifically?" JJ asked.

"It might," said Reid. "But I can't be sure."

"I'll call Hotch," JJ said, taking out her cell phone. Before pressing the speed dial button for Hotch, however, she turned and looked at Reid. "Hey. We good?"

Reid turned to look at JJ briefly. "Of course we are. Why wouldn't we be?" As soon as he'd finished talking, Reid turned to look at the victim board again.

"It's just that you haven't really talked to me all day. You've been… well, kind of ignoring me. Are you _sure_ I didn't say anything last night?"

"Like you said, you didn't mean it, right?" Reid said. "Don't you have to call Hotch?"

"Oh, right." JJ pressed the button that would dial Hotch's phone.

When JJ walked away to talk to Hotch, Reid took another sip of his coffee, his eyes closed. God, how he wished that he could tell JJ the truth! How he wished she'd meant every word she'd said that night, and that he could hold her in his arms and call her his own.

No! She was _JJ_- he couldn't think about her like that. She was JJ, sweet, beautiful, compassionate, amazing JJ. He was just Reid- genius, clumsy, socially awkward, extremely weird Reid. How could someone like JJ ever love him?

The woman in question had just gotten off the phone to Hotch, who had gone out to the crime scene to meet Prentiss and Rossi. Something was seriously wrong with Reid. The two of them were normally incredibly close- why would he be trying to shut her out like this? It wasn't like him at all.

JJ pressed a button on her phone and held it up to her ear. "You have reached the Fountain of All Knowledge," said Garcia's voice.

"Garcia, I need you to look up something for me," said JJ. "You can't tell anyone about this."

Garcia was shocked, and hesitated slightly. "You mind me asking why?"

"When I went out with Reid for a drink last night, and I was drunk. I think I said something to him. But I can't remember any of it."

"You want me to try and find a way for you to remember," Garcia surmised.

"Bingo," said JJ. "Call me when you find something."

JJ breathed out heavily when she'd hung up. This was such a stupid thing, needing Garcia to look this up. She wasn't even sure that this would work, that Garcia could find anything even remotely plausible. But she couldn't lose Reid over something she didn't even know she'd said. He was her best friend… she and him had grown incredibly close, being the youngest two agents on the team. Reid wasn't exactly being subtle about the fact that something was wrong. Someone on the team was bound to notice. Luckily, the rest of the team was out in the field and hadn't had a chance to see that Reid was ignoring her.

"JJ." Reid appeared behind her, his voice completely level now. There had been such a quick change in his demeanour. Something was wrong.

"Spence," she whispered, seeing the look in his eyes. He had gone from nervous but thoughtful, to sad and worried in the space of about five minutes. "Spence, what happened?"

"They found another one," Reid replied.

"Another one?" said JJ, shocked. "At the park?"

Reid shook his head. "No. Not at the park. His dumpsite was comprised. The body was dumped a few blocks away. Not even buried this time; he must've been rushed because we're here."

"I know there's something you're not telling me, Spencer. You normally don't get _this_ upset about a victim."

"She was twelve," Reid said.

JJ was shocked; her eyes grew wide and she was pretty sure her mouth had fallen open. But she just couldn't believe it. "T-twelve?" JJ murmured, her eyes prickling. "Same level of torture?"

Reid nodded. "The same. She was drugged up, too."

"So this sick S.O.B. tortured, drugged and killed an innocent twelve-year-old girl?" JJ's voice was shaking with both anger and sadness. "How could he do this?"

The tears began to fall from her eyes, and Reid did something that completely shocked her: he pulled her into his arms and held her, running a hand over her hair. JJ resisted for a moment before allowing herself to cry onto Reid's shoulder.

"It'll be okay, JJ," Reid whispered. "We'll catch him; don't worry."

JJ nodded against Reid's shoulder. "Thanks," she said. "I needed that."

"We all react strongly every now and then," said Reid. "Except maybe Hotch, but I don't think we can count him."

JJ pulled away from Reid, a small smile now on her face. "We good?" she asked, repeating her question from before.

This time Reid nodded, and Reid started directly into JJ's eyes, holding her gaze. "Yes. We're good." He reached over and grabbed his jacket off a chair. "Hotch wants us to go talk to the family," he explained.

"Okay," JJ replied. As the two of them walked towards the door, JJ said, "I still want to know exactly what I said."

Reid was quiet for a moment. "Sometimes, it's best not to know," he replied eventually.

"This from our resident genius," JJ laughed.

"Nobody knows everything, and some facts we don't need to know," said Reid. "We do only use 10% of our brains."

"If that's true, your brain must be huge," said JJ as the climbed into the Bureau-issued SUV, JJ in the driver's seat. No one on the team ever let Reid drive them anywhere- unless they were drunk.

"Shaila Cain, age twelve," Reid said, reading over the information Garcia had sent him. "She went missing on her way home from school- only three days ago."

"When was Shaila killed?" JJ asked. She couldn't- _wouldn't_- dehumanise that little girl by calling her 'the body' or 'the victim'. She was a lot more emotional than the rest of the team- they were profilers, and she was the media liaison, the connection with the grieving families. She needed to be emotional.

Reid, on the other hand, didn't. "She was killed yesterday. His timeline is accelerating fast- he only held her for two days."

"Was there- was there the same kind of torture as the other victims?" said JJ.

"Yes," Reid replied, swift and emotionless. But then again, he was Reid. He always was- it was just his nature. He looked down at the information again, now and then reading out a fact to JJ about the Cain family so she was ready to interview them. He was deeply absorbed in reading (actually, rereading) the information when JJ pulled up in front of a well-kept, single storey house.

"We're here, Reid," she said as she turned off the car. Reid looked up from the information, looking confused. JJ had to suppress a smile; Reid hadn't even realised they'd stopped moving.

"Be gentle, Reid," JJ whispered to the young agent. Sometimes when talking to a victim's family, Reid could begin spouting out facts about killers and the case, not realising how what he said would hurt the families. He looked up at JJ. Normally he would've said something about what he said wasn't a bad thing, but this time he just nodded. "I know," he whispered back.

When JJ and Reid reached the door to the Cain house, it was immediately opened for them. A man and a teenage girl stood there: the man was Alfred Cain, Shaila's father. And the girl was Francesca, Shaila's sixteen-year-old sister. Her eyes were red, and her face stained with tears.

JJ was silent. The girl was completely broken by her sister's death.

Realising JJ wasn't going to, Spencer spoke up. "Hi, I'm Dr Spencer Reid with the FBI, and this is Agent Jennifer Jareau. Could we… ask you some questions?"

Francesca just started crying again. Alfred nodded. "Of course," he said. "Come in."

Alfred, with his arm around his now only child, led Reid and JJ into the living room. The room was well kept, with photos of both Shaila and Francesca- and sometimes also Alfred- but no photos of a mother. Reid took this all in with a profiler's eye.

"I was wondering if we could talk to you… about Shaila," JJ began. "What was she like?"

"She was beautiful," Alfred replied. "She was always happy… her smile could light up a room. She was vibrant. Everybody loves- loved her."

"Even when we fought, even when she frustrated me so much I wanted to scream, she was always there for me," Francesca sobbed, choking back tears. "She would always come and say sorry to me, even when I was in the wrong."

"Did she always take the same way home from school? Alone?" Reid asked.

Alfred nodded. "Always."

"I understand this may be hard for you," Reid continued, "but I need to ask you one more question. Why are there no pictures of Shaila and Francesca's mother?"

Alfred hesitated, looking at Francesca, before speaking. "We… we kicked her out," he said.

"Why?"

"Because she… she tried to hit Shaila," said Alfred. "Not just smack her to discipline her, but really _hit_ her. I always taught Shaila- both of my girls- that that was wrong, and my little baby called the police. They came and arrested her, and we never saw her again." Francesca began crying even more, and Alfred pulled her in close to him.

"Thank you for your time," said JJ softly, and the two agents left the house.

"So another kidnapping during a routine activity," said JJ. "This UnSub is definitely watching his victims." Reid didn't answer. "Reid? What is it?"

"The story Mr Cain told us, about his wife," Reid said. "It can't be a coincidence."

"You think it has something to do with why Shaila was targeted?" JJ asked. Reid nodded. "But why Shaila, and not Francesca?"

"Maybe it was because Shaila was the one Mrs Cain tried to hit, and Shaila was the one who called the police," Reid replied. "We need to call Garcia."

As JJ pulled out her phone and the two agents climbed back into the SUV (Reid driving this time as JJ dialled) neither of them noticed the beat-up white Lexus down the street, or the driver sitting with a camera in his hands pointing directly towards them.

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**A/N: Ooooh, so who's the creepy guy in the car****? And I feel so sorry for that family... I almost cried when I wrote that the victim was only 12. As always, please review so I know how I can improve!**


	5. What Did I Do?

**A/N: So here's the next chapter guys! Before you read it, I just want to tell you guys that if words are spelt weird, it's because I'm Australian and we spell things differently. I think some of you may have picked up from the last chapter what's gonna happen, so on with the story!**

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When JJ and Reid arrived back at the station, the rest of the team was there waiting for them having been called by Garcia. "Garcia said that you guys found something," Hotch said as the two entered.

Reid nodded. "Shaila was taken during her daily routine, same as the other three victims, meaning this UnSub had been stalking his victims for some time."

"So he targeted this victims specifically," Prentiss surmised.

"There's more," Reid continued. "The mother was sent to jail after Shaila called the police on her for trying to beat her. They never saw her again."

"Shaila called the police herself?" said Morgan. Reid nodded again. "Did you tell Garcia?"

"She's already looking into it," JJ replied. "Looking into the relationships between the victims and their mothers, whether they were abused by them, things like that."

"Look, I realise that this does most likely have something to do with the case, but if the victims were being beaten by their mothers, wouldn't they be killing the _mothers_ instead of the children?" said Morgan.

"That is possible," Prentiss admitted, "but this can't be a coincidence." She looked across at JJ. "Oh, by the way, Garcia said she needed you to call her, said she had the answer to something you asked her."

Reid looked confused. "When did you call Garcia?" he asked.

"Earlier today," JJ said. "It's nothing to do with the case, just a little personal thing. Excuse me." JJ pulled out her phone and moved away from the others. Reid was completely clueless. He had no idea why JJ would have called Garcia.

"You have something for me?" JJ asked when Garcia answered.

"Of course I do, my beautiful blonde ball of sunshine," Garcia replied. "What you need is some sort of stimulus; something to jog your memory."

"Like?"

"You need to go back to that bar, and sit at that same table in the same seat. Get the same drink, put it in front of you and close your eyes. Hopefully the familiarity of the situation will help you remember."

"Thanks, Garcia," JJ said. "I know this was such a stupid thing."

"Hey, anything you need to know, I am here," said Garcia. "And you can't lose Reid."

"Thanks again," said JJ as she hung up.

"You do know the amount of radiation you can get from those things, right?" Reid said, coming up behind JJ.

"Reid!" JJ gasped, turning around. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," he replied. "I didn't hear anything, if that's what you're worried about."

JJ gave a small smile "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Hotch just said we could go home for the day," said Reid. "Did you want a ride?"

JJ shook her head. "No. There's something I've gotta do."

As JJ walked away from Reid, he stared after her. He was confused, which was something that didn't happen very often. Did this have something to do with what she had called Garcia about?

Reid walked over to his Bureau-issued SUV. He was about to climb into the driver's seat when a fluttering caught his eye, and he saw a piece of paper tucked behind the wiper. He pulled it out and unfolded it.

_It's not just the girls. Everyone's in danger._

Reid looked around frantically, and luckily saw Hotch walking across the parking lot towards his SUV. "Hotch!" he called out.

The urgency in Reid's voice made Hotch run right over to him. "What is it?" Reid handed the note to him. "Where did you find this?"

"Tucked behind the wiper on my car," Reid replied.

"Do you think it was meant for you specifically?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know…" said Reid. "I drive an FBI-issued SUV. It could have just been for us in general, and he just chose my car to leave it on."

"And you think it's our UnSub?"

Reid nodded. He remembered JJ's press conference earlier in the day, before Shaila Cain's body had been found. JJ had said that the UnSub targeted women and girls of all ages. "Look at how hard the UnSub has pressed down, how rushed his writing is. He's angry. It's definitely him."

"We should look into this further," said Hotch, but Reid noticed how his eyes strayed over to his SUV.

"Go home to Jack and Haley," Reid said, taking the note back from Hotch. "I'll analyse the handwriting before I leave."

Hotch smiled gratefully before handing the note to Reid and muttering a quick thank you. As Hotch headed back towards his car, Reid headed back into the precinct.

JJ sat in the bar, her glass of scotch sitting in front of her, feeling extremely foolish. She was sitting at the exact same table she'd been at with Spencer, in the exact same seat, with the exact same drink. And none of it was helping.

JJ let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, and stared down at her drink. How could this possibly help her? How could this possibly help her remember what she'd said to Reid?

JJ then remembered something else Garcia had said to her. She needed to close her eyes, and imagine that Spencer was actually sitting in front of her like he had been the last time. She remembered that Spencer had told her that she'd said he was good looking, and as she closed her eyes, she mouthed those words again, trying, _willing_ herself to remember.

A flash of something… she remembered saying that Spencer could be mistaken as a normal guy when he had a few drinks in him, which had made him laugh and take her drink out of her hand. She had then told him that he wasn't half-bad looking, to which he had replied that she wasn't seeing straight. Then there was something else… she'd told him that she was seeing straight for the first time in her life, because she realised he was insanely gorgeous.

Despite how JJ remembered this had sent Spencer into shock, she knew that it hadn't been all she'd said. She remembered saying something else, something that rendered him completely speechless (which didn't happen very often for him). But try as she might, she _couldn't_ remember what it was.

JJ sighed and got up from her chair. Making a mental note to talk to Spencer about this the next time she saw him, she put her money down on the table and left the bar.

Reid, meanwhile, had finally left for home after analysing the UnSub's handwriting. He now knew for certain that the UnSub had a lot of pent-up anger and aggression, and not just because they had announced that he only targeted women. His anger was directed towards his victims, something that they had done. Maybe they represented someone to him?

Reid pulled up into the carport of his apartment building and switched off his SUV. For some reason, Reid felt like he was being watched. He looked around the carport while still sitting in the driver's seat, but he saw no one. He opened the door and climbed out of the car, a reassuring hand resting on the handle of his gun.

As Reid walked towards the staircase, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He felt stupid for being scared, but still slipped his gun out of its holster. He crept forward, and placed a hand on the door to the stairwell.

A horrible, ear-splitting pain filled Reid's head and he fell to the ground, his gun slipping from his grasp. Reid rolled over, wincing in agony. He reached for his gun again, but a boot stepped down hard on his fingers and he withdrew his hand. Another man reached down for the gun and pointed it at Reid, who looked up at him. He saw the anger and sheer loathing on his face, and knew instantly who the man was.

"You don't have to do this," Reid whispered, trying to keep the fear and panic out of his voice.

"Yes, I do," the man said. "Give me your badge! And your cell phone!"

Reid pulled his badge and phone out of his pocket and handed them to the man, who tossed them on the ground beside the doorway. "So your team cannot track you, but they know that _I_ have you. That I don't _only_ attack women."

"You don't have to do this," Reid repeated.

"Yes I do!" the man repeated. "You deserve to be punished!"

It could've just been the knock over the head, but Reid felt very confused. "Punished for what?"

The UnSub became extremely angry, and Reid knew instantly he'd said the wrong thing. "That is it!" The UnSub moved forward, and beat Reid over the head with his own gun until he fell unconscious. He wasn't awake to see the UnSub loading him into a beat-up white Lexus and drive away.

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**A/N: OMG, what's gonna happen to Reid? And before you ask, of course JJ's gonna remember eventually, otherwise I wouldn't have much of a story, would I? It's just _when _she remembers that will make things interesting! As always, please review, they mean the world to me!**


	6. Emotions and Blood

**A/N: Guys, I was reading over my past chapters when I realised I had made a few errors. I don't actually say where Gideon is when JJ walks into the BAU in chapter 3, but he is away on a personal matter. When I said Hotch had gone to meet Prentiss and Rossi, I meant Morgan instead of Rossi. Oh and I warn you, this chapter contains a bit of torture and gets kinda sad. But time to get on with it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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When JJ walked into the precinct the next morning, her eyes immediately began searching for Reid. Hotch was already there, poring over a piece of paper with handwriting on it. "Spencer in yet?" she asked him.

Hotch shook his head. "He left late last night; he found this on his SUV when he went out to it and stayed back to analyse it."

"Is it from our UnSub?"

Hotch nodded. "He was angry that we said he only targeted women."

"So he doesn't?"

"Reid doesn't think he does, according to the analysis he left for us," Hotch replied, indicating another piece of paper filled with Reid's handwriting.

As JJ and Hotch bent over the piece of paper, both Prentiss and Morgan walked into the precinct. Seeing their fellow agents bent over the table, Prentiss and Morgan immediately walked over to them.

"Something new?" Prentiss asked.

Hotch handed Morgan and Prentiss the UnSub's note, as well as Reid's analysis. "Reid found the note on his SUV."

Morgan read the UnSub's note, and then looked around the precinct. "Where is Reid?" he asked.

"He stayed late last night," said Hotch. "I'd imagine he slept in."

"That isn't like Reid though," Morgan pointed out. "He is never late, never takes time off. I don't even know that he has a life outside this job."

"I'll try calling him," said Prentiss, pulling out her cell phone. She pressed the speed dial button for Reid's phone. "It rang out."

"That's weird," said JJ. "Spence would normally turn his mobile off and use his home phone when he's asleep."

"Unless he's in the bathroom or something…" Morgan mused, but the rest of the team knew he didn't believe himself.

"JJ, call Garcia," Hotch said. "See if she can track Reid's phone."

JJ nodded, and pulled out her phone with shaking hands. "Garcia," she whispered, her voice unsteady.

"Jayje," said Garcia. "What's wrong?"

"We- we need you to track Spence's cell phone," JJ said.

"Reid's phone? But- but why?"

"He hasn't shown up this morning, and his phone is ringing out," JJ replied. "It's not like him."

Garcia began typing, setting up the trace on Reid's phone. "It's still at his apartment building," she said, slightly stunned.

"We're going over there," said Hotch, jumping out of his seat and running out of the precinct. JJ, Morgan and Prentiss followed.

The team piled into two SUVs: Hotch and Morgan in one, Prentiss and JJ in the other. With sirens and lights blazing, they drove full speed for Reid's apartment building. They jumped out of the cars and ran into the carport, guns in hand. JJ didn't want to admit it to himself, but she was afraid of what she might find.

The first thing the team saw was Reid's SUV, parked in its usual spot. It was off and it had been locked, so Reid had definitely come this far.

"Morgan, Prentiss, go up to Reid's apartment and look through it, see if you can find anything," Hotch said. The two agents nodded and ran into the elevator, guns still drawn.

"I'm gonna call him again," said JJ, pulling out her cell with her free hand.

The sound of a ringing phone filled the carport as soon as JJ pressed the call button. JJ moved towards it, Hotch not far behind her. What JJ saw made her heart stop. Reid's cell was lying on the floor next to the stairwell. So was his FBI badge.

Hotch pulled out his own cell. "Morgan, Prentiss, get back down here, and call a CSU team."

Morgan and Prentiss arrived back down in the elevator, but stopped dead when they saw what was in JJ's now gloved hand.

"Oh, god, is that-" said Prentiss, unable to finish her sentence.

"Reid's badge, and his phone," Hotch replied.

"So that means…"

"Someone's taken him," said Hotch.

"Hang on a sec, Hotch," said Prentiss. "The note saying the UnSub doesn't only attack women. The fact that it was found on _Reid's SUV_. And now he's been kidnapped? It's not a coincidence."

"You mean…" JJ whispered.

Prentiss nodded. "Yes. The UnSub took Reid."

The missing FBI agent in question, meanwhile, had finally woken up. The pain in his head was still overwhelming, and it took him a while to remember what had happened. When he did, however, panic filled him. The UnSub, the sadistic one who tortured and killed his victims, had kidnapped _him_. Reid tried to sit up, but found that both his arms and legs were chained down, and he was lying on some sort of metal surface. He heard a door close above him, and realised the UnSub was coming.

When the UnSub walked into the room, Reid turned his head to get a good look at him. He was in his thirties, well built, but wearing ragged clothes and with unkempt facial hair. He looked angry. And he had a knife in his hand.

Reid began to panic even more, but he knew he couldn't show any fear. If he gave the UnSub what he wanted, Reid had no doubt that he would die. Instead, he just looked at the man.

"You brought this upon yourself," the man hissed, as he brought the knife closer to Reid's leg.

Reid didn't know what to say. What he had said before he was kidnapped had just angered the UnSub. "At least tell me what I did," Reid whispered.

"No," said the UnSub. "I don't have time for that!" The UnSub brought his knife down, cutting through Reid's pants and making a deep incision in his leg. Reid winced in pain, but managed not to cry out. The UnSub smirked and brought down the knife again, cutting further up Reid's leg. "We've gotta save the other leg for the burning," he laughed, as Reid gave in and gave a little whimper. "Aw, is the poor FBI agent in pain?" The UnSub put the knife down, and picked up a needle loaded with something. Having read the case file, Reid knew instantly what it was.

"No, please don't…" he murmured, trying in vain to pull away from the man.

All he did was laugh. "But it will help with the pain." Before Reid could speak again, the UnSub plunged the needle into his arm and pushed down on it, injecting the Dilaudid into his system.

Reid felt his eyes roll back into his head as the drugs began to take affect. Sure enough, the drugs did begin to lessen the pain in both his leg and his head, but Reid also felt it weaken his mental system and his resistance to the UnSub, something he did not want. The last thing Reid saw was the UnSub laughing manically before he once again fell into unconsciousness.

The rest of the BAU was now back at the FBI headquarters, in their own meeting room. With one of their own kidnapped, it had become a federal case. Hotch had called Garcia as soon as they had confirmed the kidnapping, and she was now sitting at the table with them. The photos of the victims and their bodies were still on the board. Reid's picture had now joined them. None of the team was talking. They were all still in shock.

Hotch was the first one to break the silence. "Okay," he said, and the rest of the team looked up at him. "I know we are all extremely worried about Reid. But we _have_ to get back on this case. We have to figure out how Reid is connected to the other victims. He didn't just take Reid for no reason. There _is_ a connection."

"But what?" said JJ, pulling herself out of her thoughts. "Shaila Cain was _beaten _by her mother. Spencer's mother may be schizophrenic, but she never _hit _him. She loves him, and I know Spence loves her too."

"So it can't be the abuse," said Hotch. "But it definitely has something to do with the mothers. I would send one of you to Vegas, but there isn't enough time, especially if Reid's mother isn't lucid."

"I could call her hospital," Morgan suggested. "Talk to his mother's doctor, see if he knows anything or if Mrs Reid would be willing or able to talk to us. She knows me; she's heard my voice before. That might be enough to get her talking."

Hotch nodded, before turning to Garcia. "Good. Garcia, I need you to look into Reid's past for me. I need you to find something, _anything_ that would make the UnSub target him."

"With all due respect sir, I don't feel comfortable digging into victim's lives at the best of times. And now it's Reid, I- I don't know if I can," Garcia protested.

"You don't have to dig too far," Hotch promised. "You just need to find something to do with Reid's mother, something that would make the UnSub target him." Garcia nodded. "JJ, you go with her. Morgan, Prentiss, I want you to go back to Reid's apartment, see if you can find anything else there."

The agents all nodded and headed off, fear for their fellow agent fresh in their minds.

JJ followed Garcia to her 'lair' and dropped into a chair, holding her head in her hands. She could barely hold herself together, but she couldn't afford to fall apart. She had to stay strong for Spencer, so she could help find him and save his life. She couldn't consider the possibility that, with the UnSub's accelerating timeline, Spencer may already be dead. It just wasn't possible.

"Okay," said Garcia, as she sat with her hands hovering over the keyboards. "What am I looking for?"

"See if you can find any connection at all between the victims' mothers," JJ suggested. "_Any_ sort of crossover at all."

Garcia typed. "Besides the fact that all of the victims live here in Virginia, nothing," she replied. "Unless it's a more obscure connection, but even then I'm gonna need a little more than that."

"We know it's not the mother's beating their children, and we know it's not the fact that the mother's have been to prison…" JJ thought it over for a second. As far as she knew, Shaila Cain's mother was still in prison, and she knew that Spencer's mother was in the Bennington Sanitarium. "Can you look up the first three victims' mothers, see where they are now?"

Garcia nodded and began furiously typing again. "Monica Rymer's mother is in rehab for extreme alcohol abuse. Caroline Myers mother is in a nursing home, and Denise Richard's mother is living with Denise's sister… after living with Denise for several years."

After hearing this information, something began nagging at JJ. There was something there, she was sure of it. The connection, however, was right on the edge of her mind and she just couldn't put two and two together.

As JJ sat in thought, Hotch burst into the room. The two women looked up, but were rendered speechless at the look on his face. It was a look of shock, like he couldn't process what he had just heard.

"What's going on?" Garcia asked, half getting out of her chair.

"They've found another body," Hotch replied. "They haven't been able to make a positive ID yet. The police want us to go down to the dumpsite and look."

"There's something you aren't saying," said JJ.

"The description they gave… Caucasian male, mid-to-late 20's, tall and thin, long brown hair… it matches Reid's description."

JJ clutched at her chest, the tears rolling from her eyes thick and fast now. The feeling that filled her body, the utter grief and torment, brought a memory back to JJ. Her night at the bar with Spencer… she remembered what she said. She remembered her exact words: _"I love you, Spencer Reid. And not as a friend; not like a brother. I love you." _And as soon as she remembered, the emotions filling her told her that these words hadn't been drunken ramblings: they had been true. And now it could be too late.


	7. Praying for a Miracle

**A/N: I didn't want to leave you guys on a cliffhanger for too long, so here's the next chapter, where they find out whose body has been found. And please note, there is a bit of a description of the body, and some more torture. You've been warned!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.**

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The two black SUVs drove for the dumpsite as fast as they could possibly go, sirens and lights blazing. Morgan and Prentiss were in one SUV, Hotch and JJ were in the other one with Garcia who had refused to stay behind. If this body was Reid… they all had to know.

JJ sat in the front passenger seat, praying with all her might that somehow Reid wasn't dead. She couldn't have had the revelation she'd had, finally realised what she felt for Spencer, and then have him turn up dead. It was completely tear her apart.

The two SUVs screeched to a halt outside the park, and the agents scrambled out. Hotch stopped them before they could go any further. "I know this is hard, guys," he said. "But we've got to treat this like any other crime scene if we want to convict this one. Which means Garcia, you're gonna have to wait here."

Garcia began to stammer in protest. "I will tell you as soon as I know anything, baby girl," said Morgan. "And besides even if… even if it is Reid, do you really want to see this?"

Garcia swallowed and nodded, leaning back against the SUV for support. Normally she was so together, so calm, but now she was falling apart.

The team left Garcia with the SUVs and headed through the park to where the Medical Examiner was waiting for them by the body. He looked up when they approached.

"I know you guys are used to this, but I heard this could be one of your own?" Hotch nodded. "Then prepare yourself. It's pretty nasty."

Hotch went down to the body first, Morgan behind him. Prentiss made to follow, but JJ stopped her. "Prentiss, I- can you stay here with me?" she asked. "If this is Spence, I- I just can't look."

Prentiss nodded and moved closer to JJ. "Of course."

Hotch and Morgan had now reached the body, and the ME pulled the sheet off the body. There were deep lacerations in one of the victim's legs, and burn marks all over the other. There were needle holes in his right arm, and bruises all over him. His clothes were ripped and bloody, and his face… his face was bashed beyond recognition.

"His fingerprints were burned off too," said the ME.

"He doesn't want him to be identified," Hotch said.

Morgan swallowed. "Either he's just trying to confuse us, scare us, or…"

"He doesn't want anyone to know he killed a federal agent," Hotch finished. He turned to the ME. "Take the body back to the morgue, check dentals and see if you can find a match. Oh, and cover the body," he added. "We don't want the others to see this if it is him."

JJ and Prentiss were now back at the SUVs with Garcia, and they watched as the gurney was wheeled past them and Hotch and Morgan reappeared. "Is it… is it him?" JJ asked.

Both Hotch and Morgan hesitated. "You gotta tell us, guys!" Garcia exclaimed. "Please… we gotta know!"

"We can't tell," said Morgan. "We couldn't make a positive ID."

"What?" JJ gasped. "But… but why?"

"His face was completely bashed in, and his fingerprints were burnt off," Hotch said matter-of-factly. JJ gasped and began to cry, tears falling fast from her eyes and sobs escaping from her throat as Garcia held onto her.

Prentiss moved closer to Hotch and Morgan, so Garcia and JJ wouldn't be able to hear her. "It sounds like the UnSub doesn't want this victim identified," she said. Hotch nodded. "So either he's just trying to mess with us, or-"

"That really is Reid down there," Morgan finished. Normally, Morgan would be angry about this situation, but calm and trying to figure out the UnSub. Now he just seemed… broken.

"JJ," Hotch whispered, moving over to her and Garcia. "We've gotta get back to the BAU, so we can be there when the dental records come through."

While JJ nodded, she made no move to get back into the SUV. "JJ," Garcia replied. "Jayje." JJ looked up. "We've gotta be there. Even if it is him, we've gotta try and catch the guy. Reid would want us to. He wouldn't want us to fuss over him, right?"

JJ managed to choke out a small laugh. "No. He wouldn't." She agreed to let Garcia lead her back into the SUV, and they drove back to the BAU.

Many agents looked up at the team as they walked back into the bullpen. The word had spread by now that the serial killer the BAU was hunting had taken one of their own. No one on the team, however, made contact with another agent as they walked across the bullpen and into the BAU meeting room, closing the door and drawing the curtains. Nobody spoke. They knew that they should still be working the case, but they had to wait until they knew for sure whose body was in the morgue. Only Hotch was still trying to work, but even he found it hard.

It was quite a while before Hotch's phone began to ring. He looked at the caller ID, nodded to the others, and answered. This was it. The call they had been waiting for.

"Hotchner," Hotch answered. "You did? Are you absolutely sure? Okay, thank you." Hotch hung up. "They ID'd the body."

"And?" said Morgan, although he and everybody else was afraid of finding out who it was.

"And we're still looking for a kidnapped agent," Hotch replied.

Despite the still grim situation, the relief the team felt was enormous. The body wasn't Reid. Reid wasn't dead. He was still alive somewhere. And now they had to get back to work.

JJ, however, wasn't ready to do that. After finding out the body in the morgue wasn't Spencer's, she had broken down again. Excusing herself, she went to her own office and closed the door behind her.

JJ thought she had lost her chance, her _one_ chance, of ever telling Spencer that she had meant every word she had said that night. Now, all she could think about was the fact that he was still out there somewhere, fighting for his life, trying to find a way back to her. _We'll find you Spence. Hold on. We'll bring you back to us_.

There was a soft knock on JJ's door, and it creaked open. "JJ?" Prentiss's head appeared. "Can I come in?"

JJ nodded, wiping her eyes quickly with the back of her hand. "Yeah, sure. Come in."

Prentiss entered the office, softly closing the door behind her. "You okay?" she asked.

"I will be, when we find Spencer and catch this guy," JJ replied. "I just… I feel so useless, like I can't do anything to help."

"Look," Prentiss began. "I may not have been with you guys for long, but I can already tell you're his best friend. He'll be thinking of you to get him through. You're already helping him."

JJ gave a weak smile. "Thanks, Emily," she said. "Is that why you came in here?"

Prentiss shook her head. "Actually, Morgan might have something."

JJ wiped off the rest of her tears and followed Prentiss back to the meeting room. "What have you got, Morgan?" she asked with a surprisingly strong voice.

"I called the hospital Reid's mother is in," Morgan said. "Guess who committed her?"

"Reid committed her?" Prentiss gasped.

"When he was eighteen," Morgan replied. "He couldn't take care of her himself, and she wasn't taking care of herself, so he had her committed."

"Shaila Cain was the one who sent her mother to prison, and Denise Richard's mother used to live with her…" Hotch mused. "Garcia, can you see who put Monica Rymer's mother in rehab?"

Garcia typed. "Monica did. And before you ask, of course I'm looking up who put Caroline Myers' mother in a nursing home, and… yes, Caroline put her there."

The team was stunned. Could this be the connection they'd been looking for?

"You said they'd found an ID for the body," Prentiss said. "Who is it?"

"Rhys Hudson, 28," Hotch replied. "Garcia?"

"Already on it. Okay, Mr Hudson… oh."

"What did he do?" Hotch asked.

"He put his mother in the hospital because he burnt down her house, and now she has to move out of town to live with her sister," Garcia replied. "No wonder the UnSub was so angry at him."

"So the UnSub is mad at people who sent their mothers away, no matter what they did…" Prentiss said. "Could he be angry at himself?"

"Not this much anger," said Morgan. "He's gotta be angry at someone… a sibling. A sibling who sent his mother away."

"Can you look that up Garcia?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah, but it could take me a while… it's a more obscure search. I'm gonna need all of my parameters." She got up out of her chair and walked out of the meeting room, back to her office. Morgan took one glance at the team before following her. Hotch told the two remaining agents that he was going to go get a coffee and left the room. Prentiss moved closer to JJ. With a compassion she had not yet seen from the newest team member, Prentiss took JJ's hand.

Reid had no idea how long he'd been chained to that table. It could have been days, weeks, months; it could have only been hours. The unbelievable pain that filled his leg from the cuts he'd lost count of, to the bruises the UnSub had inflicted when he had bashed Reid. And now he was moving onto the burns.

The UnSub was using some sort of altered cattle prod, which Reid barely got a look at before the UnSub pressed it into his leg. Reid cried out in pain; he'd long since given up trying to hide it. It was too much.

Three more times the UnSub pressed the cattle prod to Reid's leg, and three more times Reid screamed louder than he thought possible. He hadn't even known that it was possible to feel this much pain. _Please let my team be coming. Please let them know I've been kidnapped. Please…_

"Time for a little pain relief," the UnSub laughed, before coming at Reid with a needle. But this time, Reid didn't try to pull away. This time, Reid didn't plead with the UnSub. This time, he welcomed the drugs. This time he wanted them.

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**A/N: Well at least that wasn't Reid, right? I still feel so sorry for the poor bugger, though. This case won't go for too much longer, cos I want to get onto how it affects Reid, and start the whole Reid/JJ relationship that was the point of this story. Unfortunately I have to go to work now, but I have the next two days off so hopefully the next chapter will come soon! As always, please review, I love to hear what you guys think!**


	8. Finally We Find You

**A/N: Wow, I think this is my longest chapter yet, which is probably because I wanted to end this little case here and get on with the story again. This means that yes, they will find the UnSub and Reid. Just a warning, there is violence and torture again in this chapter. Now on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters.**

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Morgan and Garcia sat surrounded by Garcia's computer screens. The technical analyst's hands hovered over her keyboard, ready to begin searching.

"Alright, love muffin," she said. "I'm ready to perform my magic and save Reid. What am I searching for?"

"Look for siblings who lived with or close to their mother, in D.C., in the months before the first victim went missing," Morgan suggested.

"I'm going to need more than that, handsome," said Garcia. "There are way too many."

"At least one of the siblings is between the ages of twenty-five and forty," said Morgan.

"Keep it coming."

"The fact that the UnSub extensively tortures his victims means that he is either self-employed on unemployed," said Morgan. "He would also drive a nondescript car, so he can avoid detection when he's stalking his victims."

"I've still got three," Garcia replied.

"He would have some sort of cellar or a basement on his property, so he had somewhere to complete the torture. And it would be away from other properties, so nobody… nobody could hear his victims scream." Both Morgan and Garcia knew that the other one was thinking about Reid at that point, as Garcia frantically typed.

Garcia suddenly stopped, and stared at the screen. "Oh, my god," she gasped.

"What is it?" said Morgan.

"I found one!" she cried. Hurriedly sending the information to Morgan's phone so he'd have it with him, the two of them ran out of Garcia's office.

"Guys! Hotch!" Morgan cried, entering the bullpen. JJ, Prentiss and Hotch raced over to him. "Garcia found something!"

"What is it?" Hotch asked.

Morgan opened his phone to the file Garcia had sent to him. "Richard Connors, 31. He was very close to his mother, before his sister Rachel, who's two years his junior… had her committed to a mental institution, even though she was released two years later because she wasn't actually insane."

"Then why would Rachel commit her?" Prentiss asked.

"Because she hated her," Garcia replied. "It says here she faked everything. She's in jail now."

"When was the mother released?" Hotch asked.

"Over a year… oh my."

"What?" the team exclaimed all at once.

"Mrs Connors died two months before the first victim went missing," Garcia said.

"That's got to be the stressor," said Hotch. "Do we have an address?"

Garcia checked the information quickly. "2103 Scarlet Ash Drive."

As soon as Garcia spoke, the team sprang into action. They all raced to grab their bulletproof vests, while Hotch also called a SWAT team to join them. The other agents in the bullpen all looked up and stared as the BAU ran around frantically. They all knew that the team wouldn't be moving so quickly unless they knew where their missing agent was. Silently, all the agents prayed for their fellow's safe return.

As the team raced out the door, vests on and guns in hand, Garcia stood and watched them with both hope and fear filling her. She knew without a doubt that they had found the right man. What she didn't know is what they would find when they got there. _I'm praying for you, my doves. Bring Reid back to us. Please_.

The two black SUVs containing the members of the BAU careened towards the home of Richard Connors, sirens and lights blazing. SUVs containing SWAT agents followed closely behind them.

As they drove down Scarlet Ash Drive, the team realised why nobody had noticed what the UnSub was doing, or nobody had heard the victims screaming. The houses in the street were very far apart, and Connors' house was even more cut off from the others.

The agents pored out of the SUV and crept slowly forward towards the property, not wanting to alert Connors to their presence for fear he might kill Reid. The team, led by Hotch, were waiting for the best time to move in. Their thoughts were stopped, however, when they heard a bloodcurdling scream. Reid. Abandoning all thoughts of a soft, secret entry, the team burst into Connors' house.

While the team had been searching for Connors' identity, the effects of the Dilaudid had begun to wear off Reid and he was returning to consciousness and lucidity. The UnSub was still sitting there, watching him, a sick smile on his face. "You like that, don't you?" he laughed.

Reid didn't answer. Even if he hadn't been in too much pain and still too out of it to talk, he didn't want to admit to himself, nor give the UnSub the satisfaction that it was true.

The UnSub had heard the hesitation in Reid's voice, and moved closer to him. He pressed a finger down on each of the holes in Reid's arm, like the ghost of the needle that had injected into him. Reid shivered, his body aching for more of the drug. The UnSub laughed. "Don't worry," he said. "If you miraculously manage to live through this, and find out who I am, you'll know when to find them."

After watching Reid shake uncontrollably for a moment, the UnSub picked up the knife and moved towards him again. The look of intense anger had returned to his face, as if he had remembered something. "It's time to make you pay," he hissed.

"Pay for what?" Reid whispered, his voice weak.

"For what you did to your mother!" the UnSub yelled.

"My mother?" Reid couldn't think. The loss of blood and the drugs had combined to dull his brain. "What did I ever do to her?"

"You sent her away! You chose not to help her, and sent her away!"

"Sending her away was helping her," Reid croaked.

"That is it!" the UnSub cried. He lunged forward, plunging the knife deep into Reid's stomach. Reid cried out, screaming louder and louder and louder. He had never felt as much pain as he did right now, and he knew he was losing a lot of blood. Too much to hold on for much longer.

As Reid drew closer to unconsciousness, he could hear a thundering above and around him, almost like… footsteps. Reid hung onto that sound, letting it fill him and keep him conscious. It was his team. They had come for him. It had to be them. And he would see JJ again…

As this thought filled him, the door to the room flew open and Reid's four fellow team members burst in, followed by a SWAT team, all with their guns trained on the UnSub. Reid had never been so happy to see them in his life- Hotch, Prentiss, Morgan and JJ, all of them looking at the UnSub with extreme hatred on their faces.

The UnSub, however, wanted to finished what he had started. He brought the knife back down towards Reid, but it never made it there- a gun had gone off, and he had fallen to the floor. With half-closed eyes, Reid studied his team to see who had made the shot- Morgan. Of course it had been Morgan.

"I knew you'd come for me," Reid whispered. He smiled- and then winced in pain. His body went slack as his eyes closed.

"Spence!" JJ cried, lowering her gun and running towards him. She took his hand, squeezed it, and screamed his name to try and wake him, while Hotch ordered the EMT's into the room. Morgan had to ease Reid's hand out of JJ's grip as the paramedics rushed him into the ambulance. JJ and Morgan glanced at Hotch. When he nodded at them, all four team members rushed out of the room. Nobody could stand to be in the room where Reid was tortured and where his blood covered that table and the floor.

Hotch watched as the paramedics loaded Reid into the ambulance, but he stopped them before they could close the door. He turned to look at JJ. "Go with them," he said. "He's going to need somebody there with him, especially if he wakes up."

JJ nodded and jumped into the back of the ambulance before the EMT's slammed the door behind her. The rest of the team piled into one SUV, and drove after the ambulance towards the hospital.

JJ barely felt the ambulance moving as they raced towards the hospital. She barely heard the sirens wailing. All she could feel was Reid's limp hand squeezed between both of hers. All she could hear was the monitor signalling Reid's weak, thready heartbeat.

"Spencer, it's me," JJ whispered. "It's JJ. Please wake up. Please. There's something I want to tell you, but I can't tell you until you wake up. Please." Reid remaining silent and unmoving. JJ didn't know what else to do.

Suddenly, the heartbeat monitor began emitting one long, loud beep. JJ was pushed away from Reid as one of the paramedics rushed forward and began performing CPR.

"What's going on?" JJ yelled. "What's wrong with him?" The paramedic didn't answer. "Tell me! Please!"

"His heart has stopped. He's lost too much blood," the paramedic replied shortly.

"Are we almost at the hospital?" JJ asked.

The second paramedic stopped the ambulance. "We're here now."

He ran around to the back of the ambulance and threw the doors open. The paramedics pushed the gurney with Reid lying on top out of the ambulance and into the hospital, with a paramedic on top of him performing compressions. JJ climbed out of the ambulance and came face to face with the rest of the team and Garcia.

"What happened?" Hotch asked.

"His… his heart stopped just before we got here," JJ managed to get out. "They said he's lost too much blood."

Garcia's hand flew to her mouth and the rest of the team stood there in stunned silence. "We've got to go in there," Hotch finally spoke up. "We can't just stand out here." Without waiting for any responses, Hotch turned and walked into the hospital. The rest of the team followed.

Hotch flashed his badge to the nurse at the front desk. "SSA Aaron Hotchner. One of my agents was just brought in here. We need to know what's going on."

The nurse sighed. "Hold on. I'll page one of his doctors." The nurse spoke a few words into the phone. "He's in surgery at the moment. There's no other information available."

"Can we at least speak to his doctor?" Hotch demanded.

The nurse looked slightly annoyed now. "If you sit down, I will get him when he is available."

Knowing they could be in for a long wait, the team took the nurse's advice and sat down. Hotch and Prentiss were their usual selves, sitting up straight and alert, but the anguish of not knowing was evident on their faces. Morgan was sitting next to Garcia, his arm around her in comfort. JJ sat wringing her hands, silently telling herself that Spencer would survive, that he would get through this mess and survive.

It was a long time before a middle-aged man dressed in surgical gear came into the waiting area. He was covered in blood. Reid's blood.

The team stood up as the doctor approached. "How is he?" said Hotch. He'd been doing all the talking since they'd found Reid, probably because he was the only one that could talk with a level voice right now.

"It was touch-and-go there for a very, very long time. We had to perform several blood transfusions- in fact we will have to give him another one in a few days- and treat all of his wounds, not to mention try not to give him any medication that would react with the Dilaudid in his system," the doctor explained.

"But he's okay, right?" said Prentiss, speaking with an uncharacteristic, nervous tone in her voice.

The doctor breathed out a long sigh. "He's sedated for now, so he's unconscious. While he may wake up soon, he may be out for a while. We're also going to want to monitor his condition very carefully. But yes, he will be okay."

Every member of the team gave an exclamation of relief, and finally allowed smiles to creep onto their faces. Morgan and Garcia embraced, while Hotch murmured something about calling Gideon and Haley with the news and walking away. JJ, however, turned to the doctor. "Can I see him?" she asked.

The members of the BAU, minus Hotch, turned to look at JJ. "He's my best friend. I need to see him. Please," she begged the doctor.

"You can see him, alone," the doctor replied. "But remember, he is still unconscious, and he has sustained _very_ serious injuries."

JJ nodded. "I know," she said. The doctor motioned to her, and she followed him into Spencer's private room.

Despite the bruises that marred Spencer's face, he looked almost peaceful as he lay sleeping on the white bed. The doctor left JJ as she sat in the seat beside Spencer's bed and took his hand, squeezing it as she had done in the ambulance.

"How could you worry me so much, Spence?" JJ whispered. "How could you leave me thinking you were dead? I need you, Spence." She tenderly brushed a few strands of hair off Spencer's face. "More importantly, how could you not tell me what I had said that night? How could you believe it wasn't true?" JJ gave a small laugh. She couldn't believe she was doing this here and now, where this time it could be Spencer who didn't remember a thing she had said. "Because all of it was true. Every single word I said. Especially the last part. I love you, Spencer Reid."

JJ heard a small moan; so quiet she thought she could have been imagining it. "Spence?" she said. "Spence, was that you?"

"JJ…" That time JJ definitely heard something.

"Spence, are you coming back to me?" JJ whispered.

"I could… never leave… you," Spencer managed to get out. JJ felt a light squeeze of her hand, and looked at Spencer's face to see his eyes flickering open. "JJ… so… beautiful…"

JJ's heart almost stopped. Was Spencer saying what JJ thought he was?

"Ssh, Spence, you don't have to speak," JJ said.

Spencer shook his head, slowly, to each side. "Let me…" he whispered. "Before I fall asleep again… make sure you… tell me what I said if I- if I forget."

"Of course I will," JJ promised, knowing she meant it.

"I… I love you JJ. The only reason I… I'm alive is you."

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**A/N: Aw, who knew Reid could be so sweet and sentimental? *sniffle* Realised halfway through writing that I hadn't mentioned whether Gideon knew what had happened to Reid, so I hope you caught what I threw in there! Also, I've been thinking of writing a series of fics about Reid/Morgan (that yes, will be slash) with the multitude of ideas that have been racing around my head. Let me know what you think of the idea! As always, please review!**


	9. Waking Up

**A/N: Okay guys, it's time for a chapter that's pretty much just fluff- it had to happen eventually. Reid is now in hospital, so the entire chapter is set there.  
And could you please check out my new one-shot How Could it Ever Be? It's Reid/Morgan SLASH just to warn you, and it's the first part in a series about them. Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. **

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When Spencer spoke those words, it took all of JJ's restraint to stop herself from bending down and kissing him right then and there. Instead, she settled for reaching down and placing a hand on Spencer's face. "And I you, Spencer," she whispered back to him.

Spencer managed a small smile and leaned into JJ's hand. She noticed his eyelids drooping again. "Go to sleep," she whispered. "We can talk when you wake up properly."

Spencer nodded, and JJ withdrew her hand. He was asleep almost instantly.

JJ got up and walked out of the room to her waiting team. "How is he?" Garcia asked.

"He woke up for a moment," JJ replied. "He'd heard my voice, he knew I was there."

"He knew he was safe," said Hotch, returning from making his phone calls. "Gideon will be back next week. He said to tell you all congratulations on a job well done."

"We solved the case," said Morgan. "And we found Reid. We got lucky. Now who's next to see Reid?"

The team went in to visit Reid one by one- first Garcia (because nobody could argue with her) then Morgan, Prentiss and finally Hotch. It was dark by the time Hotch left the room and returned to his team.

"We should get home, finally get some sleep," Hotch said. "Someone should stay with Reid though." He looked around at his team. "JJ, you should do it. You're his best friend, he'd feel the most comfortable with you there."

JJ nodded. "Alright," she agreed, secretly brimming with joy on the inside that she wouldn't let herself show. "I'll call you if anything happens."

The other agents nodded and said their goodbyes as they filed out of the hospital, leaving JJ standing alone in the corridor. With no hesitation, she turned and walked back into Reid's room. He was still asleep, although this time he looked like he was sleeping on his own without the painkillers influencing him. JJ smiled as she slipped into the seat beside Reid's bed again, and once again took his hand.

"Hey, you," she whispered. "It's just me again. The others have all gone home. I'm going to stay here all night with you, okay?"

JJ felt Reid's hand move in hers, and felt him stirring. "Hey, Spence. You don't need to wake up yet. It's late; we can talk in the morning."

"Jayje," Reid whispered.

"Ssh, Spence. Ssh," JJ hushed. "Go back to sleep."

"I don't want to… I want to… talk to you before- before I forget." Reid's eyes flickered open, and he turned his head to look at JJ. He smiled. "I want to talk to you before I see any of the others again. I actually woke up while… while Morgan was in here, but he didn't realise."

"What did you want to talk about?" JJ asked.

"What you said… did you actually mean it?" said Reid.

"Yes," JJ replied without hesitation. "I never, _ever_ say 'I love you' without meaning it."

"Really?"

JJ nodded, a huge smile now her face. "Yeah. Did you?"

"Of course I did," said Reid. "Why would I say that to you if I didn't mean it?"

"I just had to be sure, Spence," said JJ. "If we're gonna do this, I just had to be sure."

Wonder spread across Reid's face. "You really want to be with me, JJ?" he breathed.

"Yes, Spencer. I. Love. You. You may be weird, you may be socially awkward, and you may be so smart that sometimes people don't understand you- but that's why I love you. You're different from everybody else. I like different."

"But how are we going to do this?" Reid asked. He didn't want to admit it to JJ, but he was growing extremely tired again. "We… we work together, JJ. We're… we're not allowed to be together."

"We're going to have to keep it a secret, Spence. We can't tell anyone, not even the team."

Reid's face fell. "Does that mean Morgan's going to keep teasing me about never getting a date?" Reid sighed.

JJ chuckled. "Sadly yes, Spence. Morgan, like the others, cannot know about us."

"I'm horrible at keeping secrets, JJ…" Reid whispered. JJ could tell that Reid was beginning to drift off again.

"You can do this, Spencer. I believe in you." And before JJ could think twice, she bent down and kissed Reid lightly. She felt Reid weakly kissing her back, and she pulled away and put a hand over his mouth. "Sleep, Spence," she said. "I'll be here when you wake up." She moved her hand to the side of Reid's face. "I promise."

"I love you, JJ…" Reid murmured.

"I love you too, Spencer," JJ said as Reid fell asleep.

Reid was still sleeping when JJ woke up in the morning, lying in exactly the same position he had been when he had fallen asleep in the first place. JJ wondered if that meant he had been sleeping all night.

"Hey, sleepyhead," said a voice from the doorway.

JJ looked up, and saw Morgan leaning against the doorframe with a grin on his face. "Hey, Derek," she yawned, sitting up in her chair. "I don't know how I managed to sleep in this chair. It's horribly uncomfortable." Morgan laughed. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to tell you that Hotch gave us all the day off. Said we deserved it," Morgan replied. "How is he?"

"Better, I think," JJ said. "He woke up again, not long after you guys left."

"Did he say anything?" Morgan asked.

"He said he's not looking forward to you teasing him again," JJ answered, which was at least partly true. She couldn't tell Morgan what Reid had actually said. JJ and Reid had already promised each other that. "You spoken to his doctor?"

Morgan nodded. "He said that Reid may actually walk out of here in a couple of days. He's strong. He's fighting this. But he may need someone to stay with while he's recovering. I don't think he'll do very well on his own."

"He can stay with me," JJ said without hesitation.

"You sure?"

"Of course I am," said JJ. "Gideon's still away, Hotch has Haley and Jack to take care of, he doesn't know Prentiss well enough, Garcia would fuss over him too much, and I highly doubt he'd want to stay with you." _Plus we're secretly in love with each other_, JJ added to herself.

"Touché," Morgan grinned. "Although I am a pretty good roommate."

"You snore too loud," said a voice, and Reid's eyes flickered open.

"Hey, kid," said Morgan. "You heard that?"

"Yes, I did," Reid replied. "And I'm gonna have to agree with JJ. I definitely do _not_ want to stay with you."

Morgan looked shocked, and JJ just laughed.

"Is there room for one more?" Penelope Garcia's head poked into the room.

"There's always enough room for you, baby girl," Morgan teased.

"Nice try, but it's not you I came to see," said Garcia, as she came into the room with a bunch of brightly coloured balloons in her hand. "I thought Reid would like these more than flowers," she explained.

"You thought right," said Reid from his hospital bed, causing Garcia to jump back a foot. Up until that moment, she hadn't realised Reid was awake. Morgan and JJ both laughed.

"Well, my Junior G-Man, good to see you awake!" Garcia came forward and gave Reid a light, playful tap on the shoulder before tying the balloons to the foot of his bed. "When did you wake up?" she asked.

"Just after Morgan got here," said Reid, making an attempt to sit up. JJ gently pushed him back down onto the bed.

"You need to lie down, Spence," she said. "You need your rest." Reid scowled up at JJ. "Hey, if I'm going to be looking after you, I may as well start now."

"The doctor said somebody's going to need to look after Reid, and JJ volunteered," Morgan said in answer to Garcia's confused look.

"You sure you want to put up with our boy wonder spouting random facts even when you're at home?" Garcia laughed.

"Gee, thanks Garcia," said Reid, and Garcia laughed even harder. Suddenly Reid winced, and the others lent towards him, concerned.

"It's alright," he said, waving them off. "The… the painkillers are just wearing off, that's all. I'm fine, really," he added, seeing the look on JJ's face. He shot a quick look at her, warning her to back off before the others noticed.

JJ looked up at Morgan and Garcia, but they hadn't noticed anything- they were just worried about Reid. The young genius may have survived his ordeal, but he was still in pain. "Are you sure you want to get out of here in a few days?" Morgan asked.

Reid gave a small nod, not wanting to jolt his body too much. "I'm getting bored in here, Morgan," Reid replied. "I need to get out of here."

Morgan laughed. "As long as you don't come back to work any time soon, kid." Reid scowled at him. "Come on, Reid, you know Hotch isn't going to let you."

"Fine," said Reid. "But as soon as I'm cleared to work, I'm coming back."

"That's my boy," Garcia said, smiling.

Reid yawned, trying to stifle it with his hand. The others noticed it, though. "We should get going," said Garcia, as she and Morgan stood up. "You coming, JJ?"

JJ shook her head. "I don't- I don't think he should be left alone," she said. "I'll go once Hotch or Prentiss gets here."

"You sure you don't want me to stay, Jayje?" Garcia asked.

"I'm sure, Garcia," said JJ. "I've been here all night, I may as well stay a bit longer." _Plus I want to stay, and I'm pretty sure that Spencer wants me to stay too,_ JJ added to herself with a smile.

Morgan and Garcia turned to leave. "Hey, guys?" Reid asked. Both of them turned around. "What was his name?"

No one had to ask who Reid meant. They knew. "Why do you want to know?" Morgan asked.

"He kidnapped me and almost killed me," said Reid. "I need to know."

Of course he wanted to know. "Richard Connors," Morgan replied. "His name was Richard Connors."

"Thank you, Morgan," Reid said, before the two of them walked out the door.

As soon as they left the room, Reid smiled at JJ and patted the edge of his bed. "Come sit," he said.

"I thought you were tired," JJ said, but did what Reid had said anyway.

"You help me sleep," Reid whispered, staring at JJ.

"Well in that case…" JJ smiled and kissed Reid again. "Maybe that should help you even more."

"I hated not being able to tell them," said Reid.

JJ sighed. "I know. But we can't. As much as it hurts us, we can't."

"It's going to be even harder when I get back to work," Reid said, yawning again as soon as he finished speaking.

"I know," said JJ again. "But it will be worth it."

Reid smiled. "I love you, JJ."

"And I love you, Spencer."

As Reid drifted off to sleep again amid thoughts of JJ, one other thought crossed his mind: he knew where they were hidden.

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**A/N: *gasp!* What's Reid gonna do? But he and JJ are so cute together, don't ya think? As always, please review!**


	10. A Way to Get Through

**A/N: Sorry it took me a little bit longer to post than usual, but my last year of high school started yesterday and things got a little bit hectic for me. But here's the next chapter, and Reid's out of the hospital!**

**And if you guys get the time, please check out the second story in my Reid/Morgan SLASH series, titled _A Secret Love_. While the first one was a oneshot, this one will have multiple chapters!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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It was three days later when Reid finally got out of the hospital. He had refused crutches, saying he didn't need them. JJ, who had taken the rest of the week off, came to pick him up. She had insisted that she take Reid out of the hospital in a wheelchair. He had tried to refuse, but secretly he like the attention she was giving him and hadn't put up much resistance.

"The team still out of town?" Reid asked as he climbed unassisted into the front seat.

JJ nodded, smiling. "They have a case," she said. "In Cleveland."

Reid seemed to be lost in thought. "You should be there," he said finally. "_I_ should be there."

"Spence. Hey," JJ said, putting a hand on his. "You can't go back to work yet, you know that. And I shouldn't be there. Not when you need me." Reid sighed. "You miss it. I know. But you can't go back until you're well again. Hotch won't let you. _I _won't let you."

Reid sighed again and lent his head against the car window as JJ began driving. He really missed the job, JJ could tell. As soon as his mandatory medical leave was over, JJ knew that he would be back in the office. "You do know what that means, right?" Reid looked over at JJ. "You get to spend time with me, where we won't have to hide."

Reid turned away from JJ and didn't speak, but she could see a small smile now on his face. "That is true." As if he realised something, Reid looked around. "Where are we going? This isn't the way to my house."

"No," said JJ. "But it's the way to mine." Reid looked at JJ in confusion and slight annoyance. "You can't stay at your own place," JJ explained. "You live in an apartment, up a massive flight of stairs. You can't climb those. And this is easier."

"I guess so." Despite the fact that Reid was happy he'd get to spend so much time with JJ, he hated being babied like this. Also, he'd never be left alone. He needed time to be alone.

"We're here," said JJ suddenly, snapping Reid out of his thoughts. He climbed out of the car and just stared at the house. It was a single-storey, cream coloured cottage with colourful flowers spilling out of every patch of dirt.

"This is your house?" Reid gasped, still staring at it.

JJ moved to stand beside Reid, looking a little confused. "You don't like it?"

Reid shook his head. "That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"It's just… it's exactly like I imagined your house would look. It reminds me of you," Reid explained. "It's like it's your personality, but in house form."

JJ just had to laugh at Reid's strange analogy. "I never thought of it that way," she admitted. "It's a strange description. But I do have to admit, you're right on this one."

"Of course I'm right," Reid chuckled. "I'm a genius, remember?"

JJ laughed again, even louder than before. "Well let's go inside, then."

JJ pulled out her house keys and led Reid to the front door. When she slid her key into the lock, she turned to look at him. The young agent looked deep in thought- which was usual for him- but he also looked troubled. Reid soon noticed JJ watching him. "What?" he snapped.

JJ was shocked. "I can't look at you if I want to?" she said.

Reid's expression quickly changed to one of horror. "JJ, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, really, I-"

JJ brushed it off with a wave of her hand. "Spence, it's okay, really," she said. "After what you went through… it's okay for you to snap sometimes."

"Are you sure?" said Reid.

JJ gave him a soft smile. "Yes. I'm sure." She turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open. "Welcome home."

JJ dropped her keys into the bowl beside her door as Reid walked into the house, staring around. "You like it?" JJ said.

Reid nodded. "I do. It's different to my apartment, that's for sure."

"How so?"

Reid bent down to examine JJ's DVD collection. "You have a lot more furniture than I do."

JJ had to laugh at that; it was typical Reid. "I'm sure you have a lot more books and DVDs than I do," she replied, as Reid moved onto the bookshelf.

"I probably do," Reid said absently, bending in closer to one of the books.

"The spare bedroom's all set up for you, Spence," JJ said. "In the hall, first one on the left. Your belongings are all in there too. I'm going to go get some food and stuff, are you going to be okay by yourself?"

"Of course I will," Reid replied, bending down to examine the lower shelves of books. "Why wouldn't I be?"

It was just a throwaway comment, but something in it troubled JJ. "I shouldn't be too long." She took a quick look at Reid, but he was still deeply absorbed in examining her bookshelf. Shaking her head, JJ picked up her keys again and left the house.

Reid sighed as JJ left and straightened up. He hated, _hated_, having to hide this from JJ, but he couldn't tell her. He just couldn't. The knowledge would hurt her; make her wonder what was so wrong with her that he had to turn to this. He picked up his phone and pressed speed dial.

"Boy wonder? Is this really you?" said the voice on the other end.

"Hey, Garcia," said Reid. "I need you to look something up for me."

"Why do you need my awesome abilities for, Reid?" Garcia asked. "You're at JJ's, not on a case."

"I know," said Reid. "This is… this is personal."

"I see…" Garcia was confused. Reid had never asked her something like this. "What do you need, then?"

"I need you to tell me which cemetery Richard Connors' mother is buried in," Reid said.

Garcia was shocked. "Richard Connors? That sleazy slime bag who tortured you? Why do you want to know that?"

"He tortured me because of his mother, Garcia. I just… I feel like I need to know this. I feel like it holds answers for me," said Reid.

"Of course, Reid," said Garcia. He could hear her typing furiously. "Mrs Connors is buried at Wyborn Cemetery."

"Thanks," said Reid. "Oh, and Garcia? Can you not tell the others? Despite the moratorium on intra-team profiling, I think that's would they would do with this information. I am going to tell JJ, though."

"My lips are sealed," said Garcia. "We miss you around here, boy."

"I miss it there too, Garcia," Reid admitted. "As soon as the doctor clears me, I'll be back."

"I wouldn't doubt that," said Garcia, and she hung up.

As soon as he finished talking, Reid breathed out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. Soon, he would be okay. Soon.

He knew he had to tell JJ that he wanted to visit the grave. He couldn't get to the grave himself, and he couldn't get somebody else to go for him- it would be way too risky. There was an element of risk in this, too, but it was the only option he had.

It wasn't long before JJ returned home, laden with shopping bags. She refused Reid's offer to help, waving him over to the couch.

"JJ…" JJ turned away from her fridge and turned to look at Reid. He looked nervous.

"Spence? What is it?"

"I… I want to visit Mrs Connors' grave," he said.

JJ was stunned. That was _not_ what she was expecting. "Why?"

"I can't really explain it, JJ. I just feel like I need to go there."

JJ examined Reid. This was so out of character for him, this panic and worry, that she felt bad by saying no. "Of course, Spence," she said. "I guess I forgot how hard this must be for you." She stepped closer to him. "You know I'm here for you, right?"

Reid nodded. "Yeah, I do." JJ stepped forward again and hugged him. He felt her natural warmth radiating from her body, which instantly made him feel better. He wished that this were all he needed to get through this, just JJ and nothing else. But it wasn't.

"We can go now, if you want," JJ said as she leant her head against Reid's chest. She loved just standing here with him, just Spencer and JJ. No one else.

Reid rested his head on JJ's shoulder, breathing in the smell of her hair. "Just a few more minutes," he said. For the first time in his life, he was holding the woman he loved. He needed just a few more minutes of this, before he went to get them.

An hour later, Reid was alone in JJ's spare room. They had visited the grave, and Reid had told JJ he needed a moment alone. When she had walked back to her car, Reid had bent down and found the alcove where _they_ were hidden. He had been right about where to look.

And now, back in JJ's room, Reid was finally able to do this. He was ready. It was filled up, lying beside him on the bed. JJ was in the kitchen, cleaning up their dishes before she headed for the bathroom to have her shower. She wouldn't be coming into the room to interrupt him and catch him in the act.

After a moment's hesitation, Reid picked it up and held it up to his arm. He needed this. It was the only thing that could help him through. And with that, Reid plunged the syringe into his arm, and the Dilaudid began to fill his system.

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**A/N: OMG Reid, no! Why must you do this? I don't know how long it's going to take me to post the next chapter, because I have a VERY busy weekend and more school on Monday... but I'll try and post as soon as possible. As always, please, please, please review! You know how much I love it!**


	11. Back at the Office

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long guys, I've had writer's block like you wouldn't believe! But don't worry, it had finally lifted and here's chapter 11, with Reid back at work! This chapter contains slight spoilers for _Fear and Loathing _and _Distress_. Oh, and for those of you who are reading _A Secret Love_, I hope to have the next chapter posted within the next 24 hours, school permitting! Anyway, on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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Reid had waited for this day for the past two weeks. He'd spent the last two weeks staying at JJ's house, the last week there by himself. He was feeling more bored than he ever had in his life, and was itching to get back into it.

Reid walked into the bullpen and looked around. Hotch was in his office, and Gideon- back from his personal leave- was in there talking with him. Garcia was nowhere to be seen, so Reid assumed she must be in her office. JJ had driven Reid into work, and had walked past him to go to her own office- she knew he'd want to walk back in there on his own. Both Morgan and Prentiss were sitting in the bullpen talking, so that was where Reid headed.

They had their backs to him, so they didn't see him walking up. They were talking about something they had heard on the news that morning, on their way into work- a woman had died, and someone in her family had killed her.

"I still think it's much more likely that the father did it," Morgan said.

"And I still think it was the fiancé," Prentiss countered.

"Actually, it's much more likely that the girl's brother killed her," Reid interjected.

Both Morgan and Prentiss whipped around, and grinned when they saw Reid. "Reid!" Prentiss cried. "What are you doing here?"

"My mandatory medical leave is over," Reid replied. "Which means I'm allowed to come back to work."

"And of course you'd come back to work the first day you could," said Prentiss, giving Reid a quick hug. "It's good to see you back, Reid. We missed you round here."

"She's right, kid," Morgan added, speaking for the first time since he'd seen Reid. "It's not the same without you rambling on with your facts and figures." Morgan wasn't one for hugging another guy, so he held out his hand and gripped Reid's tightly. "Does JJ know you're here?"

"She brought me in," Reid replied, but was stopped from adding any more by a brightly coloured blonde woman hugging him from behind.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back today, boy wonder?" she asked him accusingly as he turned to face her.

"Garcia, this is Reid we're talking about," Morgan pointed out. "You should've known that he would come back as soon as his mandatory leave was over."

"You still should've told me!" Garcia said.

Reid gave a small smile. "I thought you of all people would've known I was coming back, Garcia. I didn't see a need to tell you."

Garcia chuckled. "I missed you. We all did." She reached behind her, and brought out a metal tin. "I made these for you." Reid opened the tin curiously, and inside were Garcia's famous homemade cookies.

"Thank you, Garcia," Reid said, taking out a cookie and biting into it. "Yummy." The others were too happy to see Reid to notice that his smile did not quite reach his eyes.

It was only a moment more before Hotch and Gideon emerged from Hotch's office and headed for the bullpen. "Have we got a case?" Reid asked.

Hotch nodded. "We do." He turned to look at Reid. "Are you sure you're ready to be back?" he asked.

"Of course I am," Reid snapped, startling the others. "Why wouldn't I be?" The team stared at him; they had never seen him get mad like this. Of course, he'd never had to go on mandatory medical leave, either. Maybe he was just itching to get back to work. "Don't we have a case file to look over?" Reid said when he realised the others were staring at him.

Hotch nodded and led the team to the break room, where JJ was setting folders on the table in front of each chair. She looked up and smiled when the team entered. "It's all ready for you," she said. As the team filed past her and to their seats, she held back until Reid was beside her. "Are you sure you're okay?" she whispered into his ear, so nobody else could hear her.

"I wish people would stop asking me that," Reid whispered back, but not in a mean way like he had been to the others. He said in such a way that JJ would know that he needed to be back here.

All through the briefing though, while Reid appeared to be paying attention- even chiming in with a fact or two- in reality his mind was far from the round table room. Just looking at the crime scene photos, seeing the state of the victim's bodies, took him back to the basement on Scarlet Ash Drive. He remembered the knife slicing into him, the altered cattle prod pressing into his leg, his own gun beating him over the head…

"Wheels up in ten minutes," Hotch said, snapping Reid out of his flashback as he gathered up his files. Reid looked around the room. None of the others were looking at him- no one except for JJ. Reid looked back at her, but her expression wasn't one of concern. It was one of love.

Reid moved over to her, on the pretence of asking her a question about the case. The others filed out of the room one by one, until it was just the two of them left. He leant in closer, taking in the smell of her hair. "Sit next to me on the plane?" he asked.

JJ looked up at him, startled but pleased. "Of course," she said. "What brought this on?"

Reid looked down at the case files, being sure not to look at the photos but at the information instead. "I may be ready to be back here, ready to be back at work, but it doesn't make it any easier." He looked JJ in the eye. "You do."

JJ put a hand on top of Reid's, where it rested on the table. For Reid to admit this was even a little bit hard for him took a lot. It showed how much she meant to him. JJ knew it wouldn't do Reid any good to send him home and make him wait a little longer before he returned to work. She knew that he would just dwell on what Richard Connors had done to him, and that he wasn't truly happy unless he was at work. Sitting at home, he was just bored. This did help him. "Wouldn't that make the team a little suspicious?"

"It would, but we do sit together all the time, JJ," Reid pointed out. "As long as we don't do anything too…"

"Couple-y?" JJ suggested.

"I'm almost one hundred percent sure that isn't a word, but yes, that is what I meant," Reid said. "As long as we don't do anything that shows that we're a couple, then they won't suspect a thing. We've always been best friends. There's nothing wrong with us sitting together on the plane."

JJ smiled. "Are they around now?" she asked.

"No," Reid replied. "But there are cameras in the room. Garcia could see us."

JJ sighed. "Sometimes, I hate how good she is at her job," she said, walking out of the room with Reid close on her tail.

When the team boarded the jet, JJ and Reid made sure that they were, in fact, sitting next to each other. The team would not have been that suspicious of this; they were all sitting in a group, discussing the facts of the case and bouncing ideas off each other. The three victims that had been discovered so far had been found at three different parks, in three different areas of town several miles apart.

"I can do the geographical profile," Reid suggested, as he examined the printout of the dumpsites. Morgan and Gideon were already heading to the dumpsites, and JJ and Hotch were going to talk to the victim's families.

"I can help you with that," Prentiss offered, not having her own assignment already.

Reid looked up at her. "I can handle it," he snapped. The rest of the team was shocked, as they had been when Reid had snapped back in the bullpen.

Prentiss especially was taken aback. "I wasn't saying you couldn't," she said cautiously.

"Well, isn't that what 'I'll help you with it' means?" Reid asked.

Prentiss had no idea what to say. "Reid," said Hotch. Reid turned to look at his unit chief. "Prentiss will help you with the geographical profile."

"Fine," said Reid shortly, looking back down at the case file and tapping his fingers on the side of his face.

JJ was worried. The Reid she knew had never, _ever_ snapped at anyone like this before. He would never have gotten angry with someone, especially a fellow team member, just for offering to help. Maybe there was another reason why he had wanted her to sit next to him on the plane, other than needing help to ease back into work. Something was seriously wrong.

JJ chanced a sidelong glance at Reid. He was still looking down at the case file, not paying attention to anyone else on the team. There was something in Reid's eyes, something JJ couldn't quite place. It wasn't anything she had seen there before, because it was a strange mixture of emotions. Something was definitely wrong, and JJ knew that she had to find out what it was. She knew Reid wouldn't want her to, but whether he needed her to was another point entirely.

_You'll be okay, Spencer_, JJ said in her mind. _I'm going to help you, no matter what it takes._

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_**A/N: Man, I totally love JJ. I wonder how she'll react when she finds out what is wrong with Reid, though... And those of you who know the chronology of season 2 of our favourite show know that a certain character will make his first appearance soon... how is he going to complicate/help things? As always, read and review, I love to hear what you guys think! And I'll try and post quicker next time!**


	12. The Anger of Withdrawal

**A/N: So I guess writer's block+ my last year of high school= quite a long time between posts. Sorry guys! But here it finally is, the next chapter! This one is a little angsty, and comes with a warning: it contains drug abuse, as well as some spoilers for _Distress_. You've been warned!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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When JJ wasn't busy talking with the victim's families, she made sure to keep an eye on Reid. She was worried about him, they all were. His snappish behaviour was completely unlike him. Of course, Reid had been through a horrible ordeal- but he had said he was fine. And he had been cleared by the Bureau psychologist to return to work. Maybe he just hated all the extra attention the team was giving him. But still, she worried.

"You worried about him, too?" Prentiss asked, moving to stand beside JJ. The two women watched Reid as he worked on the map.

"I- yeah," JJ admitted.

"I may have only been on the team for a few months, but I've never seen him act this way," Prentiss remarked.

"I haven't seen him act like this either," JJ admitted quietly. "But he's never been through something like this before. You'd expect it to have some effect on him."

"Hmm," Prentiss replied, unconvinced. "Should we talk to him about it?"

"No," JJ said instantly. "He hates that. It might make things a lot worse."

Prentiss was silent, not knowing what else to say. JJ glanced at Reid, but he was entirely focused on his work and hadn't noticed her and Prentiss.

When Hotch walked into the precinct, both JJ and Prentiss busied themselves and tried to pretend like they hadn't been watching Reid. Hotch knew, however. He would've been doing the same thing.

"We discovered a connection between the victims and the rec centre," Hotch announced.

"That's right in the middle of the comfort zone," Reid said, pointing to his map.

"So could definitely be where the UnSub is finding his victims," Prentiss said.

"That's what we thought," Hotch said. "Prentiss, I want you and Reid to go talk to the workers at the rec centre, see if they can tell us anything about the UnSub's identity."

Both JJ and Prentiss looked to Hotch, who wore his usual serious look, and then to Reid, who just looked resigned. "Ah, Hotch," said Prentiss quietly, moving in towards him so Reid couldn't hear her. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"He'll be fine," said Hotch, and Prentiss knew that that would be the end of the matter. With a fleeting look at JJ, Prentiss followed Reid out of the precinct.

"You know, Prentiss is probably right, Hotch," JJ said. "Spencer may have been cleared to return to work, and I do believe that was the right decision, but he is not right yet."

"Would you be?" said Hotch.

"Well, no," JJ admitted.

"Then we've got to trust him on this," said Hotch. JJ gave him a worried look. "I am worried about him too, JJ. Believe me. But we can't force our help on him, or we wouldn't be any help at all. He won't tell us until he's ready."

JJ nodded. "I know Hotch. I know," she said. "But you know me. I worry."

"It's who you are, JJ. You are the heart and soul of this team. You are also the closest in age to Reid, and out of everyone on this team, you are the closest to him. He won't want you to ask him directly about it. Just keep an eye on him. If there's anyone he'll talk to, it's you."

JJ was shocked at Hotch's speech. She'd never heard him say anything like that, show so much emotion when he was talking. He really cared about his team. He'd do anything if they were at stake. "Of course, Hotch. You can count on me." JJ smiled. "Now lets catch us a killer."

As soon as JJ mentioned the case at hand, Hotch's face regained the harsh mask it always wore. "Lets stop this one before he takes another woman," he said.

Reid was silent the whole car ride to the rec centre, as Prentiss drove. She wanted to talk to him, but she was afraid he would snap at her again like he had on the plane. Like she had said to JJ, even though she hadn't known Reid for very long, she had never seen him act the way he was acting now. And from everyone else's reactions, they hadn't seen Reid behave like this either.

Prentiss glanced over at Reid a few times during the car ride while they were stopped, but he either didn't realise she was looking at him or choose not to react. It was most likely the latter; he'd already ignored them a number of times that day.

When they pulled up outside the rec centre, Reid climbed out of the car and headed straight for the building, not so much as glancing at Prentiss. She hurried out of the car and almost jogged to catch up to Reid, who had already reached the door.

When the two agents entered, they immediately spotted the woman that ran the rec centre, Tasha Adams. They made a beeline straight for her, and she looked up when she heard them approach.

"Tasha Adams?" Prentiss asked.

The woman nodded. "I'm afraid I'm really busy. You'll have to come back another time." She made to walk past Prentiss and Reid, who held their badges up.

"We're Agents Prentiss and Reid, FBI," Prentiss said to the woman. "I think you can make time for us."

Tasha nodded again. "All right," she said. "But at least come over behind the desk with me. That way we can talk in private, and I can still see what's going on out here."

Tasha led Prentiss and Reid across to the other side of the room, where a long desk cordoned off a small area. "What is this about?" she asked.

"Have you heard about the three murders that have occurred in this area recently?" Prentiss asked.

"Of course I have," Tasha replied. "They were horrible… those poor people."

"We have reason to believe that the person responsible for these murders has some connection to the rec centre," said Reid.

"What?" Tasha gasped. "How can you be sure?"

"All three victims have had some connection to this place," Prentiss said. "And we've learnt enough in our line of work to know that there are no coincidences."

"Okay, but I don't know how _I could_ help," Tasha said.

"Let me ask you this: has there been anyone here- administrators, volunteers, visitors- acting overly aggressive lately?" said Reid. When Tasha shook her head, he added, "This murderer that we're looking for either works at or visits the rec centre. In fact, he may be in this very room, right now."

Tasha was visibly upset by Reid's words, but Reid didn't seem even slightly fazed or sorry for the effect of his words. "N-no," she stammered. "I mean, we- we do get fights in here sometimes, b-but nothing t-too bad."

Reid sighed angrily. "Well, okay then." He handed Tasha his business card with his number on it. "If you can think of anything useful, give me a call." He then turned around and walked out of the room, without another word or a backwards glance.

Prentiss looked after Reid, shocked. He had never been so knowingly insensitive towards a potential witness. Sometimes, yes, he started rambling on about facts and unknowingly scared people, but that had been completely unintentional. This hadn't.

Prentiss turned back to Tasha, who was still standing there looking extremely upset. "I- I'm sorry," Prentiss said. "He's- he's been through a lot lately. And besides, nobody has actually been hurt _in_ the rec centre. We believe the person we're looking for won't hurt anyone while he's in or too close to the rec centre." Tasha nodded, looking a little bit bigger.

"Thanks for your help," Prentiss said, placing a hand on Tasha's arm before heading out of the rec centre and after Reid.

Reid was standing just outside the door, waiting for her. "Well that was pointless," he sighed. "Tasha Adams doesn't know anything."

"No, she didn't, but did you have to talk to her like that?" said Prentiss. "You didn't have to scare her! Now she's going to be afraid to go to work!"

"She should be afraid," said Reid. "She should be on her guard; the UnSub could be someone she knows in there, and she could've caught his attention already!"

"What is the matter with you?" Prentiss exclaimed. "I have _never_ seen you act this way. Ever!"

"Oh really, in the months that you've known me, you've never seen me act this way?" Reid replied haughtily and angrily. "No offense, Emily, but you don't really know what you're talking about, do ya?"

Reid stalked back towards the car, and Prentiss stared after him, shocked and affronted. She was hurt that Reid would talk to her in that way, but she was also shocked that he had. That morning he had been snappish, but now he was downright _angry_. Something was definitely wrong.

The ride back to the police precinct was spent in as complete a silence as the ride over. Reid was studying the case file again, and his face had relaxed back into its normal, thoughtful expression. Prentiss almost thought she could've imagined his anger, he looked that normal now.

When they arrived back at the precinct, Reid once again got out of the car and went inside without even looking at Prentiss. She followed after him, trying not to let her concern show on her face.

This time, JJ and Gideon were standing in the precinct, Morgan and Hotch having gone out to talk to a potential witness.

"How did it go?" Gideon asked as the two agents approached him.

"Tasha Adams didn't know anything," Reid said.

"Well let's hope that Hotch and Morgan can find out something from their witness," said Gideon, moving away to study the evidence board. Reid followed him, dropping the file in his hand on the table as he went.

JJ and Prentiss were left standing next to each other again. "I know you didn't want me to worry about Reid, but…" Prentiss began.

"You didn't talk to him about it, did you?" JJ said, worried.

"No, I didn't," Prentiss assured her. "But, well, there was an… incident at the rec centre."

JJ turned to look at Prentiss. "What happened?" she demanded.

"He really scared Tasha Adams when he was talking to her," Prentiss replied.

"He's accidentally scared witnesses before when he's talking to them," JJ pointed out.

"Not like this," Prentiss said. "Before he's just been rambling about facts, but this… he pretty much told Ms Adams that the UnSub could've been in the room with us right at that moment. And what he said to me afterwards, it sounded like he _intended_ to scare her. He really got mad at me, too."

JJ sighed, and put a hand on her forehead. "This is bad, this is really, really bad…"

"JJ?" said Prentiss. "What's so bad?"

"The last time someone on our team was badly hurt by an UnSub, the last time they started acting weird… they shot a suspect in cold blood," JJ explained.

"You're talking about Agent Greenaway," Prentiss said. JJ nodded. "But I thought the shot was in self-defence."

"That's what Elle said it was," said JJ. "There was no proof to the contrary, but it was always suspected. And now…"

"Now you're afraid Reid is going to snap, or that he already has," Prentiss surmised.

"I'm just so scared, Prentiss," JJ whispered. "We can't lose Reid. _I_ can't lose Reid."

The two women turned to look at Reid again. He had his phone to his ear, and from the sound of things, he was talking to Morgan about his witness.

"Maybe you should talk to him," Prentiss suggested. "Yes, I know you said he hates that," she added when JJ opened her mouth. "But you need to talk to him. We can't leave him stewing like this, or he'll only get worse."

JJ nodded. "I'll talk to him later," she promised, as Reid hung up and he and Gideon walked over to them.

"Looks like Morgan and Hotch had more luck than we did," he said. "We know where the UnSub is."

It hadn't taken long for the team to travel to the UnSub's house and for Hotch to talk him down, before he killed the young woman he'd held close to him. They were now back at the precinct, packing up the evidence board before they headed back to Quantico.

Reid, however, wasn't with the rest of the team. As soon as he'd had a chance, he'd excused himself from the rest of the team and left for the bathroom as fast as he could without running. He searched frantically through his messenger bag, until he finally dug out the vial and needle from the bottom. He really needed this; he'd been snapping at the team all day, and he knew they were getting suspicious. He knew he was going through withdrawals.

With fumbling fingers, Reid loaded up the needle, but became calm when he plunged it into his arm. He felt the drug begin to fill his system, and instantly began to feel more relaxed.

Reid wrapped up the used needle in a cloth, putting it and the bottle back in his bag. He headed back out to the team, where they had finished packing up the board and were about to head out the door.

When they were on the plane, Reid sat down opposite JJ. He didn't speak to her, but merely looked down. His expression didn't look angry or frustrated anymore. In fact, he looked… troubled. Sad.

"Spencer," JJ whispered. Reid looked up. "Are you okay?"

Reid nodded. "I'm fine," he said.

"Spence." JJ reached out and placed a hand on Reid's leg. "I know you. I know you're not okay. I know you don't want to talk about it, but sometimes you have to."

Reid sighed. "It's the crime scene photos," he said.

"Crime scene photos?"

"The photos of the victims, after the UnSub was through with them," said Reid. "When I look at them I… I have flashbacks."

"Oh, Spence…"

"For the first time ever, I know what they feel like. I look at their eyes, see their fear, and know exactly what they were thinking and feeling before they died. I was them. Sometimes I don't know how I'm going to get through." Reid looked back down when he had finished talking.

"Spencer." JJ moved her hand from Reid's leg and took his hand. "You have me to help you. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Reid nodded. "Okay. Don't- don't tell anyone what I told you, please?"

"I won't," JJ said.

When JJ smiled and removed her hand, Reid felt sick in his stomach. If he had thought before he didn't deserve JJ, he definitely didn't deserve her now. He absolutely _hated_ lying to her. What would she do when she found out? Reid knew that was an inevitability; he loved her, and he knew he couldn't lie to her for very long. It hurt him too much inside. Whether she would find out on her own, or he would tell her, Reid didn't know. He only hoped and prayed that JJ wouldn't leave him when he did.

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**A/N: Aw, I feel so sorry for Reid! And yes, while nobody knew for certain in the show that Reid was using after being tortured by Hankel and they only suspected, JJ _will_ find out. The questions are, though, when, how, and what will she do when she does.  
As always, please review, I really love to hear what you guys think! **


	13. Southern Detective

**A/N: OMG, I can't believe it took me this long to post again, I'm so sorry. School can really suck like a bitch sometimes! Anyway, I've finally got another chapter up! And I was actually thinking of ending this after the whole drug addiction saga and making this into a series. Make sure you guys tell me what you think in your reviews!  
Warning: This chapter contains spoilers for the episode _Jones_, as well as drug abuse.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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Reid sat up breathing heavily; sweat dripping from his forehead as he stared into the darkness. Again, he'd had that dream- Richard Connors beating him, stabbing him, burning him, and injecting him with drugs. The dream always ended with the needle going into his arms, and the drug entering his system. And whenever he woke up, he always ached for more. It was the only thing that could make the nightmares go away, to make sure he slept dreamlessly. The only thing that could stop him craving, even if it was only for a little while.

Reid climbed out of his bed and headed straight for the bathroom, where the vials and the needle were waiting for him. He reached for the needle automatically, his hand gripping it tightly. He reached for one of the vials with his free hand, and loaded up the needle. When Reid was holding the needle over his arm, however, he hesitated. Normally at this moment, all he could think about was how he would feel when the Dilaudid was in his system. This time, another thought crossed his mind- her long blonde hair, her blue eyes, her sweet, loving smile, the feel of her lips on his… JJ. The woman he loved, and who somehow managed to love him back.

As he had on the plane, Reid felt stick to his stomach. He was lying to JJ, hurting her with every injection. He couldn't keep doing this to her, but he couldn't tell her either. He just couldn't; it would hurt her, so badly. It would hurt her to discover that he turned to the drugs to hide the pain, instead of to her. But could he turn to her?

Still holding the needle in his hand, Reid returned to his bedroom and sat on his bed, thinking. On the one hand, the drugs helped him in a way that nothing else could- they helped him forget. On the other hand, JJ cared about him in a way that nobody else did. She wanted to help him; she wanted to _be with him_. And if he was lying to her, keeping the biggest possible secret from her, they couldn't be and wouldn't be truly _together_.

_She wouldn't understand_, a voice, fuelled by Reid's addiction and withdrawal, told him. _She'd never understand. Never understand how the drugs help you, how you _need _them_. _You don't have to tell her. Keep it a secret from her_.

_No,_ Reid countered. _I have to tell her. I love her, and she loves me. She deserves to know. She has to know._

_But what happens when she does know? Will she hang around with you, when she finds out who you _really_ are? Will she want to be with a druggie, an addict?_

Reid held his head in his hands, completely torn. He had no idea what to do. Tell JJ or not, keep using or not. Whatever it was, the needle was now lying abandoned on Reid's bedside table. He was too nervous, too confused to be able to inject himself without something going wrong. Instead he lay back down on his bed, trying to sleep even though he knew the dreams would return.

Which was what happened. The dreams did return, and again Reid remembered the beating, the stabbing the burning… but when it became time for Connors to inject Reid, something happened. The dream changed. Somebody came into the room, stopped Connors from giving Reid the drug, someone who held him, and someone who told him that he didn't need the drugs, that he could survive without him. That someone was Jennifer Jareau.

This time when Reid woke up, his breathing was normal. His face was still wet, but this time from tears. Could that dream mean something? Reid didn't hold much stock in dream analysis, but every other time he'd had that dream, he'd woken up with extreme cravings. This time, while he had woken up with cravings, they were for something- some_one_- else. JJ. He'd wanted her, not the drugs. Did this mean that she could save him? Did this mean that she would stick by him if and when she found out? Did this mean that she _would_, without a doubt, find out his secret?

When Reid arrived at work, he fully intended to at least tell JJ that he needed to tell her about something. Really, he did. But cases always came in at the most inopportune times, and this time was no exception. The look on JJ's face told him that this was a bad one; that they couldn't afford to have anything distracting them from finding the UnSub.

"Where are we going?" he asked her when she walked past him at the coffee machine.

"New Orleans," she replied, stopping and handing him a file. "It's a bad one."

Reid flipped open the file, reading the information in front of him. "Their throats were cut, and they were eviscerated," he read.

"It's horrible," she whispered. Without thinking, he reached out and touched JJ's hand gently. As if he suddenly realised where he was, he pulled his hand away. JJ noticed however, and gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Spence," she said.

"What did I do?" Reid asked, confused.

"You showed me you cared," JJ replied. "Even after what you went through, you still showed me you cared."

"It's because I do care," Reid replied. He looked back down at the case file, flipping through the information. Something was missing. "There aren't any crime scene photos in here," he realised.

"I know," said JJ. Reid looked up from the file and at JJ. The smile was back on her face. Reid looked at her; with the confused look he usually wore on his face when he didn't understand somebody's social behaviour. "I took them out," she explained. "I took them out of your file, so you wouldn't have to look at them."

"Why?" Reid whispered.

"Because I care," JJ said. "Now we have a briefing to go to."

When they were on the plane, beginning to get into their true work mode, something else crossed Reid's mind- something he hadn't thought about in a while.

"What're you thinking about, kid?" Morgan asked Reid as the team noticed him.

"I was just thinking about this friend of mine from Las Vegas, Ethan," Reid said. "We grew up competing in pretty much everything. We even joined the Bureau together, but on the first day of training he backed out."

"Maybe he couldn't take the heat," Prentiss joked.

"That's not really for us to judge, is it?" said Reid. The team fell silent, and Reid looked away from them.

"Who's the lead detective on the case?" Hotch asked JJ, trying to fill the silence and tension.

"A Detective William LaMontagne," JJ replied. "His father was working the case pre-Cyclone Katrina, and he took over the case when the new victim was discovered."

"And all the evidence from the previous case?" Gideon asked.

"Washed away in the floods," JJ answered. "All we have to go by is the newspaper articles on the previous murders, the latest victim and the crime scene."

The latest crime scene was where JJ, Morgan and Hotch ended up. A rather good-looking cop walked up to them. "Glad y'all could make it," he said in a heavy Southern drawl. "I'm Detective William LaMontagne."

"Jennifer Jareau, we spoke on the phone," JJ said, holding out her head, which LaMontagne took.

"Well, alright then," he said, his eyes on JJ. When the three FBI agents looked at him, he added, "I pictured you different."

JJ didn't react to LaMontagne's obvious liking to her, instead immediately plunging into questions about the case. Hotch and Morgan raised an eyebrow at each other. Either JJ hadn't noticed LaMontagne flirting with her, or she hadn't been interested at all. They followed LaMontagne towards the body dump location. While both the male agents were close by, he would only talk to JJ.

"I'm just so damn frustrated I can't finish this for my daddy," LaMontagne drawled.

"It's not your fault, detective," JJ assured him. "All the evidence you have washed away in Katrina. You can't help that. You'll solve this case for him, don't worry."

The detective gave her a small smile. "Thank you, ma'am," he said.

As Hotch talked with LaMontagne and JJ and Morgan walked around the crime scene, Morgan spoke up. "You do realise he's flirting with you, right?" he said.

JJ nodded. "Yes," she replied, not even bothering to look at Morgan. "Your point is?"

"He's a good looking guy, JJ," Morgan said. "And he totally has a thing for you. You don't want to do anything about it?"

"Nope," said JJ, still not looking at Morgan.

"Why not?"

Finally JJ turned to look at Morgan, and he realised that she was not happy with him pressing her. "I'm just not interested in LaMontagne, Morgan. He's not my type. Can you just stop trying to push me towards him?"

Morgan's expression was one of shock. "Sorry, JJ," he said. "Really."

JJ gave him a small smile. "It's okay." The two of them turned to watch Hotch and LaMontagne talking. "He is good looking, I'll give you that much. But he's just not the guy for me."

While JJ, Morgan and Hotch had been visiting the crime scene, Reid and Prentiss had been sent to the morgue to see the victim's body and talk with the Medical Examiner.

"It's like they were dissected," the ME was explaining to the two agents. "Just like the other victims. I examined them too; I'll never forget it, even… even after all the bodies I've been through this year."

Prentiss's expression softened, however Reid remained indifferent. He moved towards the victim's body, examining it for himself. She looked at him in shock and opened her mouth to speak, but remained silent. She didn't know whether Reid would get even angrier because she talked to him about it, especially when the ME was still in the room. She really hadn't known him long enough to know how to handle this.

When Prentiss and Reid walked back into the police precinct, they saw Gideon standing at the evidence board, mulling something over. He looked up when they walked in.

"Find anything?" he asked.

"The cases reminded me of something," Reid said, startling Prentiss. "A case. A famous case. One that happened in London 100 years ago."

"Jack the Ripper," Prentiss gasped.

"Okay, Reid, you go and tell Hotch, Morgan and JJ what you just told me," Gideon said. Reid nodded and walked back out of the precinct without speaking.

"Hey, Gideon," Prentiss said. "You don't think Reid- no, forget I said anything."

"Come on, Prentiss, do you think I'm not aware that something's going on with him?" Gideon exclaimed. "But this is Reid we're talking about. I've known him for a lot longer than you have. Confronting him like that won't help."

"I know," Prentiss sighed. "But one of us has to help him. And it has to be soon."

Reid hadn't taken long to arrive at the crime scene, where the others had been waiting for him. "What've you got, Reid?" Morgan asked as he approached. JJ gave him a secret smile.

"The killer's emulating Jack the Ripper," Reid said. "He's replicating the killings exactly."

"How do you know that?" LaMontagne asked.

"The kid here has a photographic memory," Morgan replied.

"Eidetic," said Reid automatically, and Morgan chuckled.

As Hotch led LaMontagne away to talk about something, Morgan nudged JJ. "So how about it, JJ?" he said. "Have you changed your mind?"

JJ sighed. "No, Morgan, I haven't. And I'm not going to."

"What're you talking about?" Reid asked.

"Detective LaMontagne over there has the hots for our Agent Jareau," Morgan said, smirking. "He's been flirting with her all day."

"Morgan!" JJ hissed.

"And why does that matter?" said Reid.

"Because he's a good looking, kind hearted cop," Morgan said. "And JJ would be crazy not to go for him."

"I've gotta go," said Reid suddenly, turning and walking away from Morgan and JJ.

"You idiot!" JJ cried, slapping Morgan on the arm. "Why did you have to mention that?"

"What's the harm?" Morgan asked. "I was just joking around!"

"Because to Spence, LaMontagne is everything he's not!" JJ exclaimed. "Normally, yes, he wouldn't care, and he'd even join in with you. But after what he's been going through, do you blame him?"

"Oh, my god." Morgan put a hand on his forehead. "I've been an idiot. I've got to go after him."

"No, leave him," JJ said. "It won't help. He'll probably go back to the station. Leave him be for a while."

"Are you sure, Jayje?" Morgan asked.

JJ nodded. "I know Spencer better than you think I do, Morgan. You running after him will just make him run even further."

Morgan nodded silently and walked over to where Hotch and LaMontagne were still talking. JJ stood in the same spot however, her mind filled with thoughts of Reid. She knew she'd been right when she'd said that Reid had believed LaMontagne was everything Reid himself wasn't. She also realised that Reid was worried about the fact that LaMontagne was flirting with _her_. She knew he was worried, deathly worried, that JJ would prefer LaMontagne and leave Reid for him. And with his added, secret problems, JJ knew that Reid would be in a bad way right now.

_Please, please, please don't worry, Spence,_ JJ said to herself. _I'm not going to leave you, not now, not ever. Please don't do anything stupid._

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_**A/N: What's Reid going to do? I think I keep leaving you guys on cliffhangers where Reid is going to do something stupid, sorry! I promise I'll try and post sooner next time. (_sooner_ being the operative word there!) Anyway, please, please, please review, and make sure you tell me whether you think I should make this into a series (which I personall think would work better) or one long story. Hope I don't leave you guys hanging for too long!**


	14. I'm Not Fine

**A/N: Wow, 2 chapters in less than 24 hours! I can hardly believe it! And I've also decided that I am going to with making this multiple stories, which will make it much easier to write. I'm thinking there will only be a few chapters left in this one, but don't worry! I will post the next story as soon as I can! Now on to the story!  
This chapter contains spoilers for _Jones_, as well as mentions of drug abuse. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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Prentiss, Gideon and JJ sat in the police precinct with LaMontagne when Morgan's phone rang. He glanced at it and smiled. "Hey baby girl," he said flirtatiously, answering the phone. "What've you got for me?"

"You're going to love me for this, my dear," Garcia purred on the other end of the phone. "I found a murder in Galveston, Texas a few months after Katrina, which fits the MO of your killings in New Orleans _exactly_."

"A lot of people relocated to Galveston while the town was still rebuilding," LaMontagne said.

"So our UnSub could've relocated there as well, and recently moved back to New Orleans," Gideon mused. "Prentiss, I want you on a plane to Galveston tonight. Call Reid and Morgan, tell them to meet you on the plane."

Prentiss nodded and rose from her seat, pulling out her phone and dialling as she walked out of the precinct. JJ turned to Gideon. "Where is Reid, anyway?" she asked.

"He went to go see his friend, Ethan," Gideon replied. "There wasn't anything for him to do around here, so I let him go."

JJ nodded and looked away from the others, just staring into space. She wanted to run to Reid right now and throw her arms around him, holding him tight and telling him that everything was going to be okay. But she knew she couldn't do that- not yet, anyway. All she could do was pray that Reid's friend Ethan would either be smart enough to see what was going on with Reid (which he probably was, if he was Reid's rival) or that Reid managed to open up and tell Ethan exactly what was going on. And so she prayed.

Reid, meanwhile, had just arrived at a jazz club in New Orleans and stood in the doorway for a moment, watching. Ethan was sitting in a booth, facing away from Reid. He walked over to him silently, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Ethan turned around hurriedly, and smiled when he saw Reid. "Geez, Reid, you scared me!" he exclaimed.

"I was always one step ahead of you, man," Reid joked, sliding into the booth opposite Ethan and ordering a red wine. His drink had just arrived and he was taking his first sip when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID: EMILY PRENTISS. Pressing the 'ignore' button, he turned back to Ethan.

"I'm glad you called, Reid," said Ethan. "It's been a while."

Reid nodded, swirling his drink. "That is has."

The two men remained silent for moment, both taking more of their drink, before Ethan spoke up. "You know you can ask me the question, Reid."

"I don't know what you mean," Reid claimed.

"Reid, I know it's been bothering you," Ethan said. "You can ask me."

Reid sighed. "Why did you quit after one day of FBI training?" he asked.

"As well as I know you, you know me," Ethan remarked. "You've already thought of an answer, haven't you?"

"You were battling your own demons, and you didn't want to take on anyone else's," Reid guessed.

Ethan nodded. "Those days, I did prefer Jack Daniels to Jeff Dahmer," he admitted. "They both weigh on your soul eventually."

Reid's cell continued to ring, and he looked down to see that it was still Prentiss. Again, he ignored it. Ethan noticed the expression on Reid's face.

"You know, my music makes me happy, even in the worst of times," Ethan said. "It's easy to see that you aren't." He raised his glass towards Reid, who just stared at Ethan. "John Coltrane – he was a genius, too. He died of cancer but most people think it was the booze and heroin that did him in." Ethan put his glass down and placed both hands on the table, holding Reid's gaze. "I can see you aren't well, Reid," Ethan whispered, and Reid's expression became one of what was almost shame. "You work with some of the smartest minds in the world. If I can see what's wrong with you, the people you work with- who profile every day, have seen it too."

Reid looked down and sighed. "I know," he admitted. "I didn't want to believe that they did, but I know." He opened his mouth to say something else, but once again his phone went off. Without even confirming that it was once again Prentiss, he ignored the call.

"Can't you talk to one of them about it?" Ethan asked. "I'm sure that they would want to help you."

"You just said it yourself, Ethan- they're _profilers_. They'll just try to fix me, and I don't want that," Reid said.

"Surely you can talk to one of them," Ethan said more softly. "I know they care about you."

Reid shook his head. "I don't know…" Something entered his mind then, and he stopped talking.

"Who is it?" Ethan prodded gently.

"Agent Jareau- JJ," Reid said. "She's the heart and soul of our team, the one that keeps us all sane."

"You love her, don't you?" Ethan guessed.

"What? No!" Reid exclaimed. Ethan just stared him down, and he sighed. "Yes. I do. More than anything else in the world."

"Does she know you love her?"

Reid nodded. "She said it first," Reid said. "We're together, but, well…"

"You can't tell the team?" Ethan surmised. "Have you talked to her about what's going on with you?"

Reid shook his head. "I can't. She'd leave me, and then it wouldn't be worth it anymore."

"Reid, if she loves you, she'll hang around," Ethan assured him. "But if you don't tell her she will think you don't trust her, and _then_ she'll bolt."

"I think it's already too late for that," Reid said. "This detective on the case we're working on… he was flirting with JJ. And I- I think she might leave me for him."

"If she really, truly loves you, she would never do that," Ethan assured Reid. "You just need to talk to her.

Reid sighed. "I don't know. I just don't know."

Prentiss looked up hopefully when she heard footsteps coming closer. Morgan walked onto the plane- alone. He looked around the plane confused, before his gaze focused on Prentiss. "Where's Reid?" he asked.

"I was hoping he was with you!" Prentiss said.

"I thought you called him," Morgan said.

"I did, three times!" Prentiss exclaimed. "Nothing. What are we going to do?"

Morgan sighed. "Only one option. Wheel's up."

Prentiss and Morgan sat back in their seats. If Morgan's thoughts were anything along the line of Prentiss's, he would be thinking about Reid. It wasn't like him to miss a plane- in fact, he never missed a plane. They had to do something.

Prentiss pulled out her phone and pressed one of the speed dial buttons. "Prentiss?" said JJ's voice. "What's up?"

"Reid never showed up for the plane to Galveston," Prentiss told her. "I thought you should know."

"Why me?" JJ's voice sounded a little bit flustered.

"You're his best friend," Prentiss replied. "If he's going to talk to anyone, it would be you."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do," JJ said. "Thanks, Prentiss."

Back in New Orleans, JJ hung up her phone. She was sitting in a bar with Detective LaMontagne. He was drinking a beer, while JJ just had a mineral water in front of her.

"Something the matter?" LaMontagne asked.

"Uh, I don't know… maybe," JJ said. "But we're here for the case. That's what we have to focus on now." _I'll help Reid as soon as I'm done here. Definitely._

LaMontagne just watched JJ for a moment, until she became uncomfortable. "What is it?" she said.

"I've been flirting with you all day, and you haven't even reacted to it once," LaMontagne pointed out.

"No, I haven't," JJ agreed. "Your point being?"

"Most women would have at least _said _something, or reacted in some way," LaMontagne said.

"I'm not most women," JJ said evenly.

"No, you aren't," LaMontagne said with a small smile.

"Detective, listen," JJ said. "I'm not interested. This isn't helping the investigation."

LaMontagne hung his head. "You're right, I'm sorry. I should be focused on solving this case for my daddy."

"We will," said JJ. Suddenly her phone began to beep; she had a text message. From Reid.

_I need you_ was all it said. "I've gotta go," she said hurriedly, jumping out of her seat.

"There's something more important that this case?" LaMontagne asked.

"Yes," said JJ. "Something much more important than the case." With that, she ran out of the bar with one person on her mind.

Reid was in his room at the hotel, pacing backwards and forwards. The vials and needle were lying on his bed, covered haphazardly by a cloth. He didn't want her to see them straight away.

He looked over and saw his phone sitting on the bedside table, where he had left it after texting JJ. He hoped he had made the right decision in telling her to come to him, so he could talk to her. He knew that he couldn't lie to her, but whether she would stay around after she found out… Reid couldn't think about it.

A knock sounded on Reid's door, and he instantly stopped pacing. It was her; she was here.

Reid walked over and opened the door, instantly thrown by the look of concern on JJ's face. "I'm here," she said.

"Come in," Reid managed to stay, stepping aside so JJ could enter his room. After he'd closed the door, he turned to look at her.

"You guys were right," he said. "I'm not fine. I'm struggling. So, so much. If it wasn't for you, I- I don't know what would've happened by now."

"Hey, Spence," JJ said soothingly. "It's okay. I'm here."

"Maybe not for much longer," Reid said.

"I'm not going to leave you for LaMontagne, if that's what you're worried about," JJ assured him.

"You might, after what I'm about to tell you," said Reid.

JJ was confused now. "Spencer, what's going on?"

"It's time for you to know what I've been doing since you rescued me from Connors," Reid said. He moved over to his bed and pulled the cloth away, revealing the vials and needle beneath.

"Dilaudid," JJ whispered.

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**A/N: What's JJ going to say to Reid, now that she knows his secret? Will she stay with him? Guess you'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out! It should take a bit longer to post than the last one, as I have school AND work tomorrow, and I leave the house at 8:30am and don't finish work until 10pm (kill. me. now.) but I'll try and post asap!**


	15. I'll Stand By You

**A/N: Here's the next chapter guys! And I hate to tell you this, but it's the second last one! Don't fret though, cos I'm going to try and post the next story as soon as I can! If the title doesn't change, it should be called _Please Don't Leave Me_, and no it has nothing to do with the P!nk song.  
Just a warning, this chapter contains mentions of drug abuse, as well as small spoilers for _Jones_.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters!**

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"You- you've been using?" JJ stammered.

Reid nodded. "Ever since Connors. He injected me so many times I- I became addicted. And I just- I didn't want to stop. I couldn't stop."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" JJ demanded.

"I just- I don't know. I kept telling myself that you guys wouldn't understand, that you'd hate me and kick me off the team- and then I'd lose everything," Reid said. "The arguments just seem so… pointless now."

"That's because they _are_ pointless, Spencer!" JJ said, her voice beginning to rise. "You could've trusted us; we would've helped you!"

"Look at the way the team is treating me now, JJ!" Reid pointed out. "They only suspect right now, imagine how they would treat me if they knew the truth! Especially you."

JJ had opened her mouth to speak, but Reid's words had stopped her. "What do you mean, especially me?" she asked.

"I was afraid you'd leave me," Reid said in a small voice.

JJ froze. She'd never seen Reid look so timid, so afraid. And it was because of _her_. No wonder he'd run off when he'd heard that LaMontagne had been flirting with her! He'd been afraid that, as soon as JJ knew that he had a serious drug problem, she would run straight into LaMontagne's arms.

"I can't do this without your help," Reid whispered. He looked so pitiful; she'd never seen him like this.

"You don't have to do this without me," JJ said, surprising even herself at the conviction in her voice. Reid's head snapped up and he looked at her, surprised and hopeful. "Spence, what you went through, it was just- horrible. It was torture. Connors forced you to take the drugs, you didn't choose it. You couldn't help it."

"But I chose to keep taking them," Reid pointed out.

"Addiction is a tough thing to fight, Spencer," JJ countered. "And with the memories of what you went through, the nightmares… of course you would want to get rid of them, in _any_ way that you could."

"It still doesn't excuse what I did," said Reid.

"No, it doesn't," JJ admitted. "I'm just saying that Connors took the decision out of your hands. But you don't have to do this alone anymore."

"You mean…" Reid began, but was unable to finish talking. His voice caught in his throat, and he just looked at JJ.

She walked forwards and took both of his hands. "I'm not leaving you, Spencer. I couldn't leave you. I love you, and I'm going to stand by you, no matter what."

"Really?" There were tears swimming in Reid's eyes; he couldn't believe this was happening.

JJ nodded. "Really. I'm not going anywhere, and I am so glad you finally found the courage to tell me."

"You- you're amazing, JJ," Reid whispered. "I- I can't believe you're going to stay with me through this. Most women wouldn't."

JJ smiled. "I'm not most women," she said. She let go of one of Reid's hand, and ran the back of her own hand down the side of his face. "And you're not most men."

"Considering I have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and I can read 20,000 words per minute, I'd have to agree with you," Reid said, laughter creeping into his voice. JJ leaned forward to kiss him, but Reid stopped her. "Wait. There's something I've got to do first." He pulled away from her, and moved over to the bed where the vials and needle rested.

"What are you doing?" JJ asked, but Reid held up a hand to shush her as he picked up the vials and needle and walked into the bathroom. JJ followed. Reid stood next to the sink and opened both vials. A hand flew to JJ's mouth, and she reached forward to stop him- but then he poured the drug down the sink.

A smile spread across JJ's face. "Oh, Spence," she breathed. "You really, really mean to give this up, don't you?"

Reid nodded. "This isn't going to be easy, JJ," he said. "I'm going to go through withdrawals, cravings. I'm going to get angry with you and everyone else for no reason. There could even be times when I _beg_ you for Dilaudid."

"I don't care," JJ said instantly. "I know it's going to be hard. But that's why it's worth it."

"Yes, it is." Reid leaned forward, and kissed JJ. The kiss was soft and sweet. It was full of feeling; Reid showing JJ how much he truly cared for her and loved her.

When the two of them broke apart, JJ stepped closer to Reid and leaned against his chest while he wrapped his arms around her. They stood like that for a while before JJ spoke up. "Morgan and Prentiss will be back by now," she said.

Reid sighed. "They're going to be wondering why I missed that plane."

"And you don't want to tell them what you just told me?" JJ asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"No," Reid replied instantly. "It… it took all I had to tell you. I can't tell them."

"I understand," JJ said. "But like you said, they do suspect something. They're going to ask questions."

"I know," said Reid. "Just tell them you're helping me. If they know that I'm getting help now, that should be enough for them."

"We were all so worried about you, Spencer," JJ murmured.

"I'm so sorry about that, Jayje," Reid said. "Really. I didn't want you to worry about me."

"I'm supposed to worry about you, Spencer," JJ replied. "You are my boyfriend, after all."

Reid couldn't speak after JJ's words, and he pulled her away from him so he could look at her face. "What?" she said, confused.

"I just- I never thought I'd hear you call me that," Reid admitted. "Boyfriend."

"Well, it's what you are," said JJ. "My boyfriend. As I am your girlfriend."

"My girlfriend," Reid repeated, a smile creeping across his face as he continued to look at JJ. "I never thought I'd be able to say that about you, either. My beautiful, beautiful girlfriend." Reid kissed JJ again, just as tenderly as he had before. "My secret girlfriend, unfortunately."

"You know we can't tell, Spencer," JJ reminded him.

"Yeah, I know," Reid sighed. "It's just… I wish I could. I wish I could show them how happy you make me feel. Plus, it would finally get Morgan off my back about him taking me out to various bars and clubs and teaching me what he calls the fine art of picking up women."

"Did his teaching work?" JJ laughed.

"Not for me, it didn't," Reid answered. "Most of the time he ended up with a woman buying him a drink, and I would leave for home alone while they were chatting each other up at the bar."

"You know you could always just tell Morgan, and make him promise to not tell anyone else," JJ suggested, a hint of laughter still in her voice.

"No, definitely not," Reid said straight away. "Morgan would make so many sexual innuendos, it would come out before you know it. I don't actually think I'm _ready_ to tell them just yet, anyway. I need to deal with my other problems first."

"Like Prentiss and Morgan asking you why you missed that plane to Galveston," JJ said.

"And you explaining to LaMontagne exactly _why_ you aren't interested in him," Reid added.

"You want me to tell LaMontagne about us?" JJ said, slightly shocked.

"You don't have to tell him you're with me," Reid said. "Just tell him you're already seeing someone."

"You mean that I already have a boyfriend," JJ corrected.

"Right," Reid said, smiling. "You already have a boyfriend. Although he could guess that you're talking about me anyway."

JJ nodded. "He might," she agreed. Removing Reid's arms from around her, she took one of his hands. "Now let's go face the others," she said, leading him out of the hotel room.

Prentiss and Morgan were already waiting in the precinct when JJ walked back in.

"Hey, have you seen-" Prentiss began, but then stopped when she saw Reid behind JJ. "Reid! Where were you? I called you, like three times."

"I didn't have any cell phone reception, so I didn't get your message until just after JJ found me," Reid replied. "Sorry."

Prentiss cocked her head to one side, giving Reid a look that meant she didn't believe him. "Uhuh," she said. "You have a good talk with your friend?"

Reid nodded. "I did. We had a very good catch-up, thank you."

"He actually didn't have any cell reception, Prentiss," JJ spoke up. "He didn't even know you guys were trying to reach him when I found him."

Prentiss still didn't look convinced, but Morgan gave her a look that made her decide not to press the issue. Reid gave JJ a relieved, grateful look. "Where's LaMontagne?" JJ asked, looking around. "I need to talk to him."

"He's in the other room, with Hotch and Gideon," Prentiss replied. JJ nodded her thanks and walked off. "What's she looking for him for?"

"I think she's actually going to turn him down once and for all," Reid said, turning around to the evidence board. Prentiss and Morgan exchanged confused glances.

"Why is she turning something like _that_ down for, though?" Prentiss asked. "Once you get past the accent, LaMontagne is incredibly gorgeous!"

"I don't know why she isn't interested in him," Reid replied absently and truthfully, not turning around. "She just isn't. And she wants to make sure she doesn't leave him with any hope." Luckily Reid had managed to keep any of the happiness and love out of his voice, so Morgan and Prentiss didn't get suspicious.

JJ, meanwhile, was standing in the doorway to the room where LaMontagne was talking with Hotch and Gideon. She knocked on the doorframe, and the three men looked over at her. "Can I talk to you for a second?" she asked, looking at LaMontagne.

"Of course," he replied, following JJ out of the room and out of the precinct. The eyes of the team followed them.

A few metres away from the precinct, JJ stopped and turned around. "What did you want to talk about?" LaMontagne asked.

"I just wanted to make things clear, about _why_ I don't want to go out with you," JJ said. She looked at LaMontagne. "I felt I owed you at least that much."

"Okay, then," said LaMontagne. "Tell me then. Why won't you go out with me? You know I like you."

"Yes, I do," JJ confirmed. "I know you like me; I know you've been flirting with me." She took a deep breath. "In another time, maybe I would've been interested in you. But there's absolutely no chance now. I have someone, and they mean the world to me. They are everything I've ever wanted, and I couldn't imagine my life without them."

"It's Doctor Reid, isn't it?" said LaMontagne.

"How did you know?" JJ gasped.

"It's not obvious, if that's what you're worried about," LaMontagne assured her. "But the way you were talking just then, and the fact that you ran off to find someone while you were with me- which I haven't told anyone, by the way- I just kind of figured it out."

JJ nodded. "It is Spencer," she said. "I love him so, so much. And he, by some miracle, loves me and trusts me enough to be with me and let me help him."

LaMontagne smiled. "I'm glad you have someone that makes you happy," he said. "Thanks for telling me, JJ."

"Anytime." JJ smiled back at LaMontagne, and put a comforting hand on his arm. "You'll find someone someday, Detective."

"Dr Reid is lucky to have you," LaMontagne said. "I hope he knows that."

"He definitely does," JJ assured him, and the two of them headed back into the precinct.

* * *

**Good girl JJ! Like I said guys, the next chapter will be the last one, so after that keep an eye out for _Please Don't Leave Me_. Oh and for those of you reading my Morgan/Reid SLASH fic, _A Secret Love_, I am so so sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I lost my USB with an almost finished chapter on it! I'll try and find it, otherwise I'm going to have to try and write the chapter again! :(**


	16. Lay With Me

**A/N: So here it finally is, guys! The very last chapter of _And I Always Will_! *sniffle* It feels kinda... weird that I finished this, my first Criminal Minds fanfic! I kinda don't know what to do with myself... oooooh, I know! Start working on a sequel! But before I get to that, on with reading this story one last time!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.**

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The BAU was finally packing up in New Orleans, having caught the killer thanks to Morgan realising that it was, in fact, a woman. The team was standing in the precinct with Detective LaMontagne, just about to leave.

"Thanks for everything, guys," LaMontagne said. "I never could've solved this case for my daddy without your help."

"It's what we do," JJ replied. "We were happy to help." The other members of the team nodded their agreement.

"We really should get going, if we want to be back at Quantico by nightfall," Hotch announced. The FBI agents picked up their bags, and all shook hands with LaMontagne before heading out the door. He smiled at JJ when it was her turn, but everyone on the team saw that he was no longer trying to flirt with JJ. That meant Reid had been right- JJ had turned LaMontagne down.

Reid was the last one to say goodbye to LaMontagne, with the rest of the team members gathered just outside the door. As LaMontagne gripped Reid's hand in his, he leaned in close and whispered, "Keep a hold of her."

It took a while for Reid to realise what LaMontagne meant, and when he did he was slightly shocked. "You don't have to worry, Dr Reid," LaMontagne assured him. "She didn't tell me, and it wasn't obvious either. Just the way she was describing you… she couldn't have been talking about anyone else."

Reid looked slightly confused. "She- what did she say about me?" he stammered.

LaMontagne gave a small laugh. "It was nothing but praise, Doctor. Nothing but praise. She told me that you were the most important thing in the world to her, that she couldn't imagine living without you, and that she loves you with everything she's got."

"She said that?" Reid gasped. "She really said that about me?"

"Why do you sound so surprised, Reid?" LaMontagne asked. "I'm sure she told you that she loves you."

"She did," Reid said quickly. "It's just, well-"

"You didn't realise how much she loved you, how much she cared about you?" LaMontagne guessed.

"I didn't before," Reid admitted. "And if I didn't figure it out after she came to find me, then I definitely know now. Thank you, Detective."

"It's Will," LaMontagne corrected. "Call me Will."

"Goodbye then, Will," Reid said, smiling. "Hopefully our paths will cross again sometime."

"Definitely," Will replied. "Although hopefully under happier circumstances." Will gripped Reid's hand once more, before the FBI agent headed out of the precinct to his waiting team and a smiling JJ.

The members of the BAU had settled in on their flight back to Quantico. Hotch and Gideon were settled up the back of the plane by themselves, talking and working on files. Reid was sitting by himself, not really doing anything, his mind seeming to be somewhere else like it always was. Prentiss, Morgan and JJ were playing cards across a table.

"Gin!" JJ cried, for the third time in a row.

"Aw, man," Morgan moaned as he put his cards back down on the table. "Why do you keep winning, JJ?"

"Cos I'm just that good," JJ said, smiling.

"Maybe it's time you had some _real_ competition," Prentiss declared, looking across to where Reid was sitting. "Hey Reid, you wanna play?" she said cautiously, hoping she wouldn't get another outburst from him.

Reid looked over at the others. "Yeah, sure. I'll join in," he said, slightly shocking both Prentiss and Morgan. He got up and slid into the seat opposite JJ, who beamed at him.

"You ready to show JJ how it's done, kid?" Morgan joked.

"Considering I don't want JJ to know how to beat me, I'm not going to show her how it's done, but I am going to win," Reid said.

Morgan and Prentiss both laughed at the casual way Reid had just spoken, while Prentiss dealt him in. They played in silence for a while, only speaking when the game required them to.

"Gin!" Reid cried happily, putting his cards down on the table.

"Damn it, Spence, how are you so good?" JJ asked, having finally been defeated.

"A magician never reveals his secrets," Reid said, smirking.

"He's from _Vegas_, JJ," Morgan pointed out. "Of course he's good."

As Reid, Morgan and JJ began arguing about whether it was fair to play cards against Reid, Prentiss quietly rose from her seat and walked over to wear Hotch and Gideon were sitting.

"He certainly seems happier," Hotch said without looking up. He made no indication as to who he was talking about, but he didn't need to; both Prentiss and Gideon knew who he meant.

"He does," Prentiss agreed, looking back over at Reid, Morgan and JJ. "I wonder what changed."

"I don't know exactly," said Gideon truthfully. "I don't want to know, either. I'm pretty sure he's getting the help he needs now, and us badgering him may only make it worse. If he regresses, we'll talk to him. But for now, let's just be happy that he's finally becoming himself again."

"You seriously don't want to know why Reid's happy all of a sudden?" Hotch asked Gideon.

Gideon nodded. "I don't want to know. You do?"

"What I want and what Reid needs are two totally different things," Hotch replied. "And it seems that he's already getting what he needs."

"He didn't snap at me at all, not since Morgan and I got back from Galveston," Prentiss said. "Not since JJ went and found him."

"Do you reckon JJ said something to him?" Hotch asked.

"Why not?" said Gideon. "She's his best friend, and she knows him better than the rest of us do. If anyone knew how to help Reid, it would be her."

The three of them turned to watch as Reid declared that he had won again, and JJ reached over to inspect his cards. "Reid's going to be fine now, isn't he?" Prentiss said eventually.

"Not straight away," Gideon replied. "But he will be."

The sun had just started to set when the team finally disembarked from the jet. All of them were tired, most of all Reid and JJ. It had definitely been a big day for the two of them.

Hotch and Gideon were walking ahead of the rest of the team, Gideon trying to convince Hotch to leave his paperwork with Gideon so Hotch could get home to Jack and Haley. Prentiss and Morgan were a little bit further back, talking about the plans they had for the next few days should they not get called in on a case. JJ and Reid were walking even further back, dragging their feet.

"Even with all the coffee you drink, you're still tired?" JJ joked as they walked across the tarmac.

"I drink all of my coffee at once, JJ," Reid pointed out. "Therefore, it all wears off at once. Besides, I didn't drink as much coffee today as I normally do."

"Hmm." JJ looked down for a moment, lost in thought. Then she looked up at Reid. "Do you really wanna be alone tonight?" she asked.

"No," Reid replied, his eyes focused on JJ. "I don't want to be alone tonight. And even if I did, it probably wouldn't be the best idea anyway."

"Good," JJ whispered. "Then you're coming home with me tonight. I would feel so much better if you were with me tonight; that I knew without a doubt you were safe."

Reid gave JJ a look of such love, she almost stopped walking. "You know I'm safe when I'm with you," he said.

JJ nodded. "Yes." She did know; Reid had confessed everything to her, had talked about his feelings with her. He didn't do that with _anyone_.

"Hey, you two, what's the holdup?" Morgan called, from where he stood with the rest of the team. "Don't you want to get home tonight?"

"We're tired, Morgan!" JJ called back, but the two youngest agents quickened their pace. Before they reached the others, JJ muttered under her breath to Reid, "Go home and have a shower and stuff first. Then come over."

Reid gave JJ a small nod; they were too close to the team now for him to open his mouth.

"Morgan was just telling me that he's going clubbing with a girl as soon as he gets out of here," Prentiss said, while Morgan smirked.

"What?" said Morgan with mock irritation. "You really expected anything less of me?"

"I guess not," Prentiss admitted. She turned to JJ and Reid. "What're you guys going to do?"

"Sleep," both JJ and Reid replied at the same time.

Morgan laughed. "You two are both extremely boring people, you know that?" he said.

"The last time me and Reid went out somewhere, I got really, really drunk," JJ pointed out.

"Touché, girl," said Morgan. "Touché."

"So if you guys don't mind, Spencer and I are going to head home, have showers, and rest," JJ said. She gave Reid a quick, pointed look before walking away. He walked into the building with the rest of the team, before giving them a murmured "goodbye" and walking towards his own car.

After Reid had arrived home and had his shower he went to his bedroom to gather some things to take to JJ's- and then he stopped. He had absolutely no idea what to bring. He knew JJ didn't want him to just come over and have sex with her- she wasn't that type of girl, and he wasn't that type of guy. So Reid just ended up grabbing the sweatpants that he slept in, a change of clothes, and was just about to walk out his front door when he turned and grabbed a DVD off the shelf.

It didn't take long for Reid to reach JJ's house. He had the quickest route exactly memorised- partly because of his eidetic memory, but partly because he constantly thought about driving there.

JJ's house was exactly the same as it had been the last time Reid had been here. There was one small difference though: while the wire door was shut, it was unlocked, and the front door itself was wide open.

"JJ?" Reid called tentatively.

"In the lounge room, Spencer!" JJ called back to him.

Reid pushed open the wire door and stopped dead in his tracks. Crimson red rose petals had been laid along the hallway, leading right from the front door to the living room. Reid followed them, knowing that they led to where JJ was waiting for him.

"Hey gorgeous," JJ said smiling when Reid walked into the room. She was sitting cross-legged on the small white couch, with a meal laid out for the two of them on the coffee table in front of her.

"It didn't take me that long to get here, did it?" Reid asked.

JJ laughed. "Less than an hour," JJ replied. "But I can do a lot in an hour."

"I can see that." Two bowls were set out on the coffee table- which was also covered in rose petals- containing a simple but delicious looking pasta. There were two tall, cream-coloured candles standing in the centre of the table, their dancing flames reflected in JJ's eyes. The effect was finished off by the bottle of wine and two wine flutes sitting towards one side of the table. "This is just… wow." He was silent for a moment, just staring at JJ. "You didn't have to do all of this."

"I didn't have to," JJ agreed. "But I wanted to. This is, well, our first real date. I wanted to make it special."

Reid was touched. Nobody had ever done something like this for him. _Ever_. He moved over and sat beside JJ, a warm smile on his face. "Thank you," he whispered, reaching out and taking her hand. "Really. Thank you."

JJ smiled back at Reid, and let him hold her hand for a moment before gently pulling away and pouring the two glasses of wine, handing one of them to Reid.

"Are you sure you want to drink with me?" Reid joked. "Last time you did that, you accidentally confessed your undying love to me."

"I may have only done that because I was drunk, but that doesn't mean that I didn't mean every word. And never for a second have I regretted it. Never for a second have I regretted loving you."

"JJ…" Reid was speechless. He'd never been in this sort of situation before; he had no idea what to do. Giving himself some time, he took a sip of the wine JJ had given him. He sat it down on the table and took both of JJ's hands in his. "I love you," he said finally. "And I don't know how you love me, but… well, from what you've done for me tonight, it's obvious that you do." He took a deep breath. "Nobody's ever done anything like this for me before."

JJ was shocked. Reid was such a sweet, kind, and amazing man. Yes, he did spout random and sometimes boring facts at inopportune moments, but JJ loved this about him. It was one of the things that made him so unique. "Really? No one?"

"I haven't been in that many relationships," Reid admitted. "There was Lila, but it didn't work out. The long distance thing. We never really got to do anything like this. It never really bothered me, though; I never really thought about it. Now, I think- I think I'm actually kind of glad about that."

"Why?" JJ asked, confused.

"It makes it that much more special, being here with you, right now. I mean, I know this would be special to me either way, but-"

"Spencer! Spence!" JJ said, trying to stop Reid's rambling. He looked at her apologetically. "I get what you're trying to say, Spence. It's okay." She squeezed Reid's hands. "It's special to me too. In fact, despite how many dates I've been on, this one is already my best one."

Now it was Reid's turn to be confused. "Why?"

"Because I'm with you," JJ said simply. Before Reid could reply, JJ lent in and kissed him. It started off soft and sweet, with the couple holding their hands in the middle of each other. It took them a long time to break the kiss, and as soon as they did they both took a breath before going back in again. They'd been waiting so long for this, to be able to kiss each other without worrying about any cases or about anyone seeing them. Sure, they had kissed each other and held each other a few times before, but those had been very small and secret stolen moments. This… this was different. Here it was just them, their personalities and minds stripped raw and bare.

It wasn't long, though, before the kiss began to deepen and Reid put his hands on the small of JJ's back, gently pulling her in closer. JJ responded instantly, her arms wrapped around Reid's neck as their kisses became deeper and more passionate. God, how both of them had wanted this, had _needed_ this.

It was a while later when JJ and Reid finally broke apart, both of them gasping for air. JJ rested her head on Reid's chest, a small smile on her face. "I think our dinner's gone cold," Reid commented.

"It's pasta, we can always heat it up again or eat it cold," JJ assured him. "Besides, I don't think I'm really hungry anymore."

"Me neither," Reid admitted. "Out of breath, yes. Hungry, no."

"So we eat later," JJ said. "We could just… stay like this for a while."

"We could," Reid agreed. "Or we could watch a movie."

JJ pulled her head away and looked at him. Reid reached over and grabbed the DVD he'd brought with him. JJ stared at it, shocked. "The Notebook? You own a copy of the Notebook?"

"Garcia bought it for me a while ago," Reid admitted sheepishly. "I mean, if you don't want to watch it, that's fine, but-"

"Spencer, you're rambling again," JJ pointed out. "And for the record, I would love to watch the Notebook with you."

Reid put the DVD in and then settled back down on the couch with JJ. After a moment she snuggled into him, holding onto his arm as she rested her head on his shoulder. Reid smiled and automatically angled his body towards hers. Normally he would be rattling off facts and figures about the movie, but this time he remained silent. He was actually watching the movie, really _watching_ it. He could actually feel the emotion of the movie… maybe it had something to do with the blonde woman resting against his side, the woman who he had been the first person he had truly opened up to. The woman he loved.

When the movie ended neither of them moved from their spot for a while, not even bothering to turn off the TV. Reid ran a hand slowly over JJ's hair, and she looked up at him with a sleepy smile on her face. "That was nice," she said.

"It was," Reid said truthfully. "I honestly never thought I'd like that sort of thing. But I did."

JJ laughed, but then she yawned. "Geez, I'm tired," she said.

"I'll let you get changed, then," Reid said. He began to pull away from JJ, but she stopped him. "What is it?"

"Stay with me," she whispered.

"I already am staying with you," Reid replied, confused.

"No, I mean _stay_ with me. In my bed," JJ explained.

Reid's eyes went wide with shock. "You really want me to do that? Lie in bed with you?"

"I know what you're thinking, Spence. I'm not ready to have sex yet, either. I just want to lie in bed with you, fall asleep with your arms around me, and wake up with you being the first thing I see."

Reid reached out and put a hand on JJ's cheek. "Then I'll stay with you tonight," he whispered. "I would be honoured, and I- I want to fall asleep holding you, and wake up lying beside you. To be honest, I've wanted that for a long, long time."

JJ smiled. "Then go change in the bathroom, and I'll meet you in my room, okay?" She gave Reid one more soft, quick kiss before getting up from the couch and walking away. Reid sat there for a moment, before grabbing his sweatpants and heading off to JJ's bathroom.

Five minutes later Reid emerged almost nervously, before heading off to JJ's room. She was already lying under the covers of her bed, waiting for him. She patted the bed beside her. "Come join me," she whispered.

Reid nodded and crossed the room, hesitated for a moment before he pulled up one side of the doona and getting in next to JJ. He laid his head on the pillow and immediately rolled to face her, pulling her in close. She was wearing a knee-length negligee; he could tell by the feel of her bare skin. JJ rested her head on Reid's chest, and Reid took in the sweet strawberry scent of her hair.

JJ yawned again, and her eyelids began to flicker. Before she could close them though Reid kissed her on the forehead, and then on her lips.

"My beautiful girlfriend," Reid murmured in JJ's ear. "I love you."

JJ gave Reid a warm, loving look. "I love you too." And as both of them closed their eyes and held each other while drifting off into sleep, she added, "And I always will."

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**A/N: So there it is, guys! What did you think: love, hate, meh? Please tell me what you think and what you might like to see in any future sequels, or whether you even want a sequel! I'd absolutely love to here what you think one last time! The sequel to this story will be called _Please Don't Leave Me_, and it will deal with Reid's issue of abandonment as Gideon leaves the team and Agent Rossi appears. A few secrets may be discovered by a few people, as well. *hint hint, someone MAY find out about JJ and Reid...*  
The sequel will be up as soon as I find the time to write it, being in my final year of high school drains it bad... But I would like to thank every single one of you for reading/reviewing/adding to alerts/favouriting my story, it means a lot to me and you sure know how to make a girl feel special! Make sure you keep an eye out for _Please Don't Leave Me_!**


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